Stupid Girls

Monday, July 05, 2004


You are reading

Another, missing piece falls back into place.

After I'd walked, eaten, posted in the blog, I felt an absence.

I didn't know what I needed, but I knew I wasn't ready for work.

I sat.

For about twenty minutes, I just sat.

I'm very surprised to say I let go the "chatter" rather quickly and just sat.

I felt my body. I listened to my fountain. I breathed. I heard my mind try to tell me things, worry, plan, fantasize. I saw what I was doing and let it go, each time.

I just sat.

When that was done, my body said it needed to sleep. I napped for an hour.

Now, I'm ready to work.

My wrists hurt, from carrying my water bottle in my swinging hands. Good; they need strength.

My whole body is tender and tingling. It's awake and repairing.

I must admit: I did break down and buy more cigarettes.

They're outside.

I don't want that stink in here, any more.

But I can't smoke a whole one. They taste terrible. I don't want that harshness in my throat.

I injest a few inhalations and put the cigarette back out.

I'm withdrawing from nicotine.

Frankly, it feels wonderful.