Stupid Girls

Saturday, July 10, 2004

I'm a contender

You are reading

That's what she said, in an email to me, yesterday. She's looking forward to my progress with my personal goals.

After I get store bought teeth, I'll be able to kiss her.

Oh, I've already kissed her: on top of her head, and on the soft spot, behind her ear, at the nape of her neck.

Kissing is very important to me. I'm very good at it. I enjoy it thoroughly. I especially enjoy long, luxurious, sensual kisses: the kind that make me moan and whimper and set my body undulating.

I go into a trance of sexual energy, when I kiss. All around me melts away and I become The Kiss. I live for the succulence, the breath, the tasting and pulling of the other's mouth.

I kiss urgently, tenderly, fiercely and delicately.

When you've been kissed by me, you've really been kissed.

My mouth is extremely sensitive to sensations of touch. That's why I'm a good cook, too: textures of foods interest me.

So, she'll wait. Because, when I kiss her, she'll remember how gorgeous it feels.

She won't remember jagged teeth and foul odors. She won't remember apologetic holdings back.

When I come to her in a kiss, I'll offer myself up willingly and totally.

There won't be any more hesitation and tentativeness.

I'll kiss her until she surrenders to Bliss. And then I'll kiss her some more.

I like this having to wait. I mean, in an Ideal World, we'd already be lovers, of course, if she'd have me.

But I like waiting. I like the first twining of our fingers as we walk. I like inhaling scent from her hair.
I like how frankly we're talking, without shame or hesitation, about our bodies and their experiences.

I like courting her. I like uncovering the Secret, warm places, deep in her as she quietly and firmly reveals her Self to me.

I like watching her learn to want me. That excites me.

I like feeling her reach to touch me now.

I like how startled, but relieved, she is to just be honest and open and know I'm acutely interested in her.

I like how shameless we are together.

I like that she thinks I'm cute, and is impressed by my black, glitter toenail polish.

I like how she keeps me in mind, and emails discoveries.

I like that she finds useful things and brings them to me.

I love how her voice purrs and throbs when she speaks with me.

So, I'm a contender.

I'm winning her trust, her interest.

She hasn't been romantically assertive, in the past.

She flirts with me now. It's a bit cautious and tentative, but I am so happy she's reaching to me.

So, however many months it takes for me to repair my health, finances and legal issues, it's ok.

I won't approach her sexually before then.

And, the way things are evolving, I may get a treat, by then.

She may approach me first!

We're dancing this courtship together now.

It's very proper and dignified. It's passionate but restrained.

Slowly and carefully, she's coming toward me.

This is healing me, sustaining me and nourishing me.

The more I learn to love myself, the more room I have for others.

And I've made a special nest in my heart for her. There, I keep her safe. There, I learn to love her.

I wonder what we'll be like, a year from now.

I already know more about her than does a friend of hers who's known her longer.

This amazes me; she's so close to the vest. I'd have thought it would take me years to have permission to view her internal galleries!

So, as terrified as I am to face my old oral traumas in the indifferent chair of a dental school, I go willingly.

Because I want to thoroughly kiss this woman.