Stupid Girls

Friday, July 09, 2004


You are reading

Labiaplasty is reconstructive surgery of external, female genitalia.

A friend knows a specialist, and is asking about risks, costs, etc. on my behalf.

My left labia minora was torn, nearly in two, by my mother, when I was very young.

I've lived with the resulting pain my entire life. It hurts to wear pants or underwear. Bicycle seats and even normal chairs are challenging.

I wrote this email:

Dear ...,

I've been trying to stay awake, so I could watch Bill Moyers. But he'll have to wait for me 'til Sunday's rerun.

The sound of the fan, the cool air on my skin, the snoring dog at my feet are all conspiring against me.

I need to sleep for a very long time.

P's coming tomorrow & I'm making him some lunch. He looks like a stray cat, circling a trash can, poor thing!

And I've GOT to put away at least SOME of that HUGE mound of clean laundry in my bedroom! It's taller than my DRESSER, now! LOL I'm not KIDDING!

These are the last, few days of living like a refugee. I'm saying "good bye" to it, and I need time to process it all.

On the fifteenth, the teeth business starts.

I don't know what will happen, nor when.

I need to start now, to prepare and protect myself.

You're right about reconstructive surgery; I wish I could have some kind of help.

Embarrassed as I am to say this, I've been feeling regular arousal recently.

Gee, I wonder why...

Anyway, it's putting pressure on the labia, and the pain is shooting through the left side of my clitoris. It burns rather badly.

I don't feel as much around men, not for such sustained periods of time. Maybe this pain is why I've been settling for men, these last, few years. They'e "easier" on a lot of levels.

So, my libido's back, thank the Universe! I'm whole again.

It does hurt, though. It feels rather like biting one's tongue rather hard. Or like getting alcohol in an open wound. Or like hair dye in one's eye. But those subside.

This stays with me, as long as I'm aroused.

Still, I'm so grateful to feel, I almost welcome the pain. That's a little scary, to me: I don't want my sexuality associated with pain anymore.

So, I suppose I ought to contemplate my options.

Right now, though, I plan to contemplate my pillow, as thoroughly, and as long, as possible.

I'll read any replies in the morning.

Sweet dreams,