ATTENTION: sports bras are not all that comfortable...especially when you get three goat heads in one.... that is all.

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lol. I've been out working in the yard all day, burning weeds and preparing these parachutes I bought to be shade covers for the house trailer. I mean, I've been working so hard, it hurts to put my feet on the floor when I get out of bed.

So, I came in here, started pooting around on facebook and thought, dang! I still feel pretty aggrevated, even though I'm in bed and took aspirin.

Well, you know how it is when you're working hard: you just have to ignore little pains and annoyances. So, I hadn't even NOTICED I had goat heads in my bra, until I lay down to get comfortable!

So, I've been lying in bed with my keyboard in my lap, twisted up like a pretzel, trying to take my damn bra off without getting the freaking goat heads in the bed.

You haven't lived 'til you've rolled over on a goat head in your sleep.

Ok, here it is, just as it was on facebook, but with pics.
http://viridianariverstone.blogspot.com/2011/02/attention-sports-bras-are-not-all-that.html
I had a roommate at a conference from Guam. She didn't know what goat heads were, so I was trying to describe them. Suddenly, I had a snap and opened my suit case. Sure enough, not only were there goat heads in the soles of my shoes, but she could see the hundreds of puncture marks in them, some going straight through the shoe to where my foot would be! She was horrified! They don't have nasty critters or plants in Guam. I said, well, I ain't givin you one to take home, and check your shoes when you check out!

 

PS THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO IRRADICATE GOAT HEADS, FOREVER!

 

puncture vine weevil

marriage

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When men finally figured out sperm had something to do with babies, they needed to control women, to make sure those babies shared the men's genetic material. They didn't want to bequeath their baseball card collections to someone else's kid. Also, marriage is a pretty good way to unite two families into one controlling interest, even among the poor. Marriage is an ECONOMIC institution. Historically and even, in most parts of the world right now, love has nothing to do with marriage. The concept of romantic love in marriage is a relatively new invention. In the past, women, whose uterus now belonged to her husband, could not have romantic love, at all. They were totally dependent on their husbands, economically and socially; to go outside marriage for love was, and still is, a death sentence. Men, of course, were permitted extra marital relationships and were even approved as more "manly" for having them.

There's no anthropological evidence to suggest that lifetime monogamy is a natural state for humans. It would seem men in sexual relationships with women are supposed to hang out just long enough to protect a pregnant woman until she gives birth and weans the baby. It appears SERIAL monogamy is more natural to humans.

Humans group into tribes. Tribes bear living duties communally, so everybody, to some extent, raises the children within the tribe, just as they share duties for the hunt, for gathering, for protecting the tribe from predators and enemies, etc.

The invention of the nuclear family, rather than the extended or tribal family is a very new, post-Industrial Revolution concept. Before mass production, local communities/tribes/extended families created what they needed locally, with trade to other areas.

Since the 1950s, the extended family/tribe/local community has been rendered "unnecessary," and women were segregated into individual households, with scant access to community support. It also coincides with a HUGE upsurge in alcoholism, addiction to prescription medications and child abuse in the USA.

Marriage was and is an economic institution. It is becoming less and less relevant to societies with the advent of birth control, education and employment of women, the transformation of cultures into "service sector" jobs, etc.

i think the main reason Queers want to marry is economic equality. They can't have spousal benefits, have legal rights to adopt children, visit a spouse in the hospital, get marriage deductions on taxes, etc.

what I think of late term abortion

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In my case, the decision to end a pregnancy is probably the most traumatic experience of my life. And I am a survivor of extreme childhood sexual and physical abuse that has left me with brain injuries, PTS and mutilated genitals. I've also been chronically poor and often homeless throughout my life, have been raped, beaten and robbed. So, when I say it's probably the most traumatic, it's not hyperbole; I know trauma.

I resisted the procedure. The pregnancy was killing me, but I felt like SUCH a failure: I couldn't even mother right, that I just wanted to die with my daughter. I CHOSE that pregnancy, planned for it, mentally, I mean. Being an abuse survivor, I'd been afraid, in the past, to mother; I was afraid I'd perpetuate the cycle of abuse. So, my decision to mother was a conscious, well-planned and deeply self-inspected one.

The problem with the idea of dying with my daughter was that I probably would not die, but might end up a vegetable. I had to undergo the procedure.

Because I'm low income, the only medical attention I could get was factory-style. My psychological state was never a factor. They did not honor my request to let me keep the remains for burial. It was all horrible, demeaning, traumatizing, indifferent, impersonal, cold.

If a woman needs a late term abortion, I can only imagine the personal suffering she must endure: the grief, the shame, the sense of failure, the terror. I do not believe any but a TINY minority of women (and that minority ought not mother, anyway, I'd guess) would feel that child growing in her body and not go through agony about ending that pregnancy. And I do not believe most would undergo the procedure only because a pregnancy would inconvenience them. I think that's a reactionary propaganda tactic.

I think we need to respect women, assume women can make our own medical decisions without the Big Brother State (of theocracy) telling us what to do with the contents of our wombs.

Women are not silly airheads. We don't have abortions on a whim. We get manicures, facials, plastic surgery and hair dos for that, if we want. An abortion is not a spa treatment and we don't think of it that way. For the men who think we do, go screw yourselves and stop screwing US! 

Frontline - Sex Slaves (2005)

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Part-1Documentary Watch Online

 

Part-2 Documentary Watch Online

 

Part-3 Documentary Watch Online

 

Part-4 Documentary Watch Online 

 

Jesus is watching you masturbate

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I went to fundy, xian camps. In JUNIOR HIGH, we were herded to chapel, boys & girls together and a "Pastor" told us God had made our arms this length to tempt us to masturbate. We were told we were to have NO sexual feelings until marriage! Junior High? Mixed gender audience? Can you imagine the shame, humiliation, guilt we each privately, because we could not talk to each other about it, of course, experienced, how much we hated and feared our own bodies, how inadequate, dirty and evil we thought we were????

WOMAN SPIRIT - DEDICATED TO ALL WOMEN OF THE WORLD

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MichelleSheriza | April 11, 2010 | 4 likes, 0 dislikes

Created by: Michelle Sherliza, OP -
Music: WOMAN SPIRIT by Karen Drucker from her CD - Songs of the Spirit 1
Dedicated to all the marvelous women of our World!

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Actual conservatives, FTW!

There is a HUGE difference between being "Conservative" and being reactionary. Ask yourselves: what are "Conservatives" conserving? Before the word "environmentalism" existed, I was taught natural CONSERVATION in my public school, forty years ago. Are we conserving capital, giving corporate welfare? Are we conserving human life, engaged in constant war? Are we conserving our children? Be clear on the distinction between "Conservative" and reactionary, and it's easy to pull the sheets off the ku kluxers who carry the torches. And these women made me cry.

Youth Pride Chorus: "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings"

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Youth Pride Chorus, excerpt from Flying, December 4, 2010, The Kitchen, New York City

"I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings" by Maya Angelou
"Fly" by Nick Drake
"Ooh Child" by The Five Stairsteps
Youth Pride Chorus website

"New York City's Youth Pride Chorus galvanizes the voices of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and straight youth ages 13-22 in the movement for change. YPC concerts feature these young artists in exciting, high-energy performances of both classic and current pop, rock, and folk songs, original choreography, and spoken word. Through fun and rigorous weekly rehearsals, YPC singers train in voice, dance, and song interpretation, developing both artistic excellence and leadership skills. YPC typically numbers between 30 and 40 singers.

"YPC has recently performed as guest artists at the  GLAAD Media Awards, GLSEN's Respect Awards, Broadway Backwards  at Lincoln Center, and with Cyndi Lauper on her True Colors Tour. Youth Pride Chorus is a program of The New York City Gay Men's Chorus and the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center. Under the artistic direction of Wes Webb and musical direction of Matthew Fetbrandt, YPC is facilitated by the Center's Youth Enrichment Services program."

"The Case Against Queer Activism"

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http://www.advocate.com/Politics/Commentary/The_Case_Against_Activism//
My response:

I'm so privileged not to live in a cosmopolitan, urban area where it's safe to hold hands and even kiss in some parts of town, where one's spouse or domestic partner receives my employment benefits, where I can form sub-cliques involving in which back pocket I place what color bandana! I'm actually grateful I live where Queer bashing is as normal as drinking a beer and nobody's ever heard of a boi! Because here, in the real United States, the rural back roads of real life, those who love and support me really do, without conditions or mine fields and, when we find others like us, we overlook minor and petty disagreements, because we so badly need each other's support, assistance, empathy and kindness that we can't afford the privilege of tearing each other to pieces while the Queer bashers just watch us implode! I hope I never live in a city, a subculture or a Queer community again! It sounds heart breaking! Peace to all of you. I'm so sorry this has happened.

reminded of the hate in Indiana

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just a reply to a facebook friend who was quoting some "color purple"

y'know, all that bs about Shug makin' up with her preacher daddy? That ain't in the book. Nope. That's Spielberg for ya: a Black woman from the South, an alien from outer space? Same thing. I so didn't like the color purple. It messed up my head: WHY did Walker allow him to butcher her like that? But the talent in the film is awesome. Quincy Jones is amazing. Oprah was fierce. I loved the juke joint and Mister's house. I showed the kiss as part of my final project in a course called "Effects of Mass Communication," in an oral presentation on Vito Russo's Celluloid Closet. This was in Indiana, too close to Ku Kluxer towns. Very Rush Limbaugh and Pat Roberston. Well, they tore me apart. I'd even learned how to edit video tape to make that presentation. They tore me apart and the instructor let them. I ran from class in tears. Later, a psych proff who's a feminist invited me to give my presentation to one of her classes, so I did. They LOVED it! I went to the little Queer center on campus, feeling vindicated and victorious. They said, "Don't you come in here! We heard you made a scene in Ms. so and so's class! You're giving us a bad name...." It wasn't true, of course. But they wouldn't listen and did not want to be associated with me. I dropped out of school and overdosed on pain meds. Incomplete suicide. Ironically, the President of Indiana University Southeast was on the Board of Directors of the First Unitarian Church of Louisville, my fellowship. After that communications class had been so evil to me, it was Richard, their minister and my close friend, that I called. He rushed to meet me at Campus and, when my instructor REFUSED TO SEE HIM, Richard spoke to the Dean of the dept., who was also a cough "chaplain." Richard leaned over the guy's desk and said, "How DARE you allow this behavior in a university! What if this woman had been Black, doing a presentation on Blacks in motion pictures? WOULD YOU ALLOW THAT BEHAVIOR THEN???" basically, the dean told Richard, yeah, he would and waddya gonna do about it?

I cant' watch any of the films in that video tape I put together for that class without sobbing uncontrollably. When the class saw the kiss between celie and shug, they screamed and moaned and said eewwww and gross and perverted and.......

never went back to a college since. 

Zach Wahls Speaks About Family

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Zach Wahls, a 19-year-old University of Iowa student spoke about the strength of his family during a public forum on House Joint Resolution 6 in the Iowa House of Representatives. Wahls has two mothers, and came to oppose House Joint Resolution 6 which would end civil unions in Iowa.

Cairo Street Debate: When Mubarak Foes and Backers Clash

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It's the women who know how to clean up & to soothe:

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2045278,00.html
 

A woman in a brown abaya, hijab and gloves proceeded forward. "What are you all arguing about?" she said, speaking to both groups. "Why don't you all think about working together for Egypt? Egypt — that's what you should all be saying, not screaming at each other."

"Look at it — look at the looting, look at the burned buildings," a Mubarak supporter told her.

"So what? We will clean it up and rebuild it," she responded. "What are you getting so angry about? The President will not stay forever."

The woman seemed to calm everyone down. Some 30 minutes after the fracas began, it was over.

The Divine Feminine

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A response to Stephanie, if you can see the following link
http://www.facebook.com/#!/album.php?aid=154809&id=609338161

 

Well, lady, if you wanna waft around in see-through Madras hippy shirts because you're scared that developing muscles might cause some redneck Jethro to call you a bull dyke, that's your insecurity, not mine. When they do it to me, I just smile and say, "Thanks for noticing!" and flip 'em off.

There's no one right or wrong way to be a woman, any more than there is to be a Gender Queer or a man. I don't have to contemplate my belly button to get in touch with my feminine side; it's right below my belly button, at a convenient arm's length.

Women become "successes" in "a man's world" by aping all those endearing qualities of patriarchy: ruthlessness, callousness, aggression, competition, back stabbing, throat slitting.... Maybe they wear blazers to hide the scars? I don't fault Hillary for killing herself to be a person of influence in the modern world. And I don't think she has sold her gender out. In fact, she speaks of women's issues nearly constantly, even in countries MUCH worse than this one, and THIS one is BAD!

One of my old runnin' buddies, and a current Facebook friend http://www.facebook.com/#!/zbudapest , is the very first Feminist witch High Priestess. She taught me (who came from a very fundamentalist xian background) that the female is sacred, powerful, strong, healing, redemptive, life giving and utterly essential in this perverted, patriarchal society. I was a young, teen runaway, on the streets of Los Angeles, a pretty blond girl. I should not have survived. She's one of the reasons I did. And I love her.

Do I practice witchcraft? Nope. Do I pray to Goddesses for intervention or the bestowing of favors or blessings? Nope. Do I believe switching out genders on an outmoded cultural construct is all religion needed to make it viable? Nope.

I'm still agnostic. I still love science over superstition and I still get weirded out when people try to force me to pray or participate in rituals that have no significance to me.

So, young Earth mother of the newest, more techy and far more polluted generation than mine ever was when gas was twenty-nine cents a gallon and I could live on the beach in L.A. County for less than a hundred bucks a month, You have just rediscovered the wheel. Congratulations.

As you pat yourself on the back for discovering feminist theory and the role of women in comparative religious studies, take a breath and remember your foremothers. We blazed this trail for you in the U.S., starting with Dollie Madison, admonishing her husband "don't forget the ladies" while writing the Constitution to Elizabeth Cady Stanton and her Women's Bible to cranky Mary Daly and her Wickedary glossary of women's wisdom through the etymology of words.

Come back when you've grown some hair on your lip, and we'll talk then. Ok?

Dine people struggle with phobias

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The campaign for President and Vice President of Navajo Nation was sprinkled with insinuations about whether one candidate was "Gay." It was silly and ugly. Now, photos of Navajo transvestites or transexuals in femaile clothing are being circulated on Facebook, as though that would be the worst thing in the world. These photos are being "tagged" with the name of President Ben Shelly and appear in an album on a brand new facebook page by someone whose only linked interest was Shelly's opponent, who has publicly made some pretty ignorant remarks about LGBTQ issues.

Here is my response to the photo tagging:

 I see no link to an actual NT article, so don't know if this is an accurate quote from it. I do know Alkenaz Bahe has "tagged" Shelly in a photograph that seems disrespectful. I saw it on my wall http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/album.php?fbid=121702131235683&id=100001876914602&aid=21837 and I see the only "interest" linked in the profile of Alkenaz Bahe is Lynda Lovejoy.

I know Ms. Lovejoy has very limited understanding of LGBTQ issues and has embarrassed herself by saying Vice President Jim has "gender issues," which she later confused with "Gay," and that even making a public statement like that is considered, by Navajo etiquette, to be inappropriate. I also believe Ms. Lovejoy thinks LGBTQ people are bad or wrong, and that it is good to spread rumors about them, that they deserve whatever torments might come their way for even being rumored to be LGBTQ.

I know Mr. Jim is a single father and Vice President of his Nation, and sincerely doubt he has a lot of free time or energy to waste on any sort of romantic adventures. I also do not think he is stupid enough to be found out, if he were.

I think it took courage for Mr. Shelly and Mr. Jim to stand in front of a rainbow flag and have their photograph recorded and that photograph brought tears to my eyes because, just maybe, it might mean the beginning of the end of foolish stereotypes and prejudices against people whom the Dine once held in respect and acceptance, before the corrupting influences of non-Navajo "missionaries," who have had a several-centuries-old reputation of NOT taking Dine culture, traditions, lands and people seriously or showing any respect for ancient ways.

Finally, I have to question whom all this benefits and, again, signs point back to a possible Lovejoy smear campaign. She has shown herself to be a "sore loser" and has not gracefully, and with humility, accepted the election of the new leaders and committed herself to the best interests of Navajo Nation. If she is not responsible for the current distribution of these photographs in some misguided attempt to discredit people based on clothing, one of her misguided supporters is, and she needs to publicly denounce such unbecoming behavior.

As a non-Navajo, who has watched this past election and installation of the new governing body carefully, I have to say this: this distribution of photographs, insinuations that people who might be LGBTQ are bad or corrupt or evil or ugly, the very nasty comments to President Shelly's Facebook page at the time of the Inauguration would not leave a positive impression on most people I know who are not Dine. They make the Nation seem, undeservedly, petty, small minded, prone to rumor and gossip, prejudiced, backward and ignorant. I know, for an absolute fact, that NONE of those impressions is, truly, valid or representative of Navajo Nation. Others might not think things through so much or give benefit of the doubt, but make jokes, point fingers and ridicule.

Bottom line: This sort of behavior is undignified, in opposition to basic Dine values, embarrassing and destructive to the entire Nation, not just to a few individuals in public office.

It's very middle school, bullying behavior and it does not belong in public discourse about the workings of Navajo Nation government! If this is the BEST one can do to feebly attempt to discredit Navajo leaders, it shows how very weak and small those discreditors are and that the Nation is probably best served that Shelly's and Jim's opponents did NOT win the election!

There is so much beauty, dignity, grace, joy and honor in the Navajo Nation. I am embarrassed to see it smeared with such foolish, petty hate.

CREATING CRIMES AGAINST UNBORN CHILDREN;

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HOUSE BILL 30
50TH LEGISLATURE - STATE OF NEW MEXICO - FIRST SESSION, 2011
INTRODUCED BY
Larry A. Larrañaga

http://www.nmlegis.gov/Sessions/11%20Regular/bills/house/HB0030.pdf

http://www.nmlegis.gov/lcs/
You know, when my baby was dying, I had to "kill" her 3 times with 2 procedures: abortion (she wasn't in my uterus) & laprascopic surgery (she was in my fallopian tube; surgery had to be rescheduled cus I drank a Pepsi). I went through HELL, losing my only child. Her name was Viri Diana. Nobody cared; med. staff called her a "collection of cells" (I was apx. 10 wks. pregnant). Father abandoned me. Queer church freaked out cuz I did it with a man....I was totally alone and I turned suicidal. When I saw the abortion dummies at the State Fair, I had to finally run out of the tent, because I just lost it and started SCREAMING at them for making me relive that trauma, and I was afraid someone would call security. I went through those procedures because that pregnancy would have killed me. It almost did, anyway. I do NOT need some MAN telling ME I'm a MURDERER! I did that to myself! The only reason I didn't kill myself (failure even as a mother) was because I didn't want Viri Diana's only legacy to be my death, "she killed herself over that pregnancy."

This crap has GOT to go:
C. Unless acting upon sufficient provocation, upon
a sudden quarrel or in the heat of passion, a person who causes
the death of an unborn child without lawful justification or
excuse commits murder of an unborn child in the second degree
if in performing the acts that cause the death, the person
knows that such acts create a strong probability of death or
great bodily harm to another.
D. Whoever commits murder of an unborn child in the
second degree is guilty of a second degree felony resulting in
the death of a human being.
SECTION 4. MANSLAUGHTER OF AN UNBORN CHILD.--
A. Manslaughter of an unborn child is the unlawful
killing of an unborn child through actions committed without
malice.

1996 Atlanta Pride Festival Speech by Coretta Scott King

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For historical and educational purposes only. Mrs. Coretta Scott King speaks at the 1996 Atlanta Pride Festival in Piedmont Park in Atlanta Georgia.

Listen to her speak then and much of it still applies to TODAY!

IN MEMORY OF CORETTA SCOTT KING (1927-2006)

ATLANTA PRIDE (www.atlantapride.org)

DONATE AND SUPPORT THE KING CENTER (www.thekingcenter.org)

This is not a difficult concept

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for straight people who complain we're not trying hard enough

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you don't know how hard Queers work. That's a pretty arrogant, self important thing to say. WE have to LIVE this, EVERY DAY! That is a tremendous, stressful and painful burden. If you want to do work around homophobia, fine. But to COMPLAIN about how much BETTER you do it than Queers do, that's condescending, patronizing and just as heterosexist ans anything the Queer bashers do! 

Are you familiar with the term "intergenerational trauma?" Look it up. Since the Roman army decided soldiers should be replaceable parts & should not care about their fallen comrades, heterosexism has been institutionalized in Western cultu...re. That's longer than the after effects of both slavery and Indigenous genocide. Look at the high level of alcohol advertising in the Queer community; it's higher than "ghetto" billboards. We self medicate, self abuse, isolate . . . these are classic symptoms of intergenerational trauma. Our elders teach us dysfunctional behaviors that are even considered "cool" within our culture. Few of us know ANYTHING about our history, our accomplishments, role models, etc. We learn to objectify our bodies, to try, any way we can, to look cool, healthy, macho, whatever...to be acceptable. We struggle with what I call necessary narcicism: where one is so at risk, ALL one can focus on is one's own abilities to pass, to survive, at the exclusion of being able to form real, intimate bonds with anybody else. We cannot marry. It is difficult for us to parent/foster/adopt. We cannot serve openly in the military. We are always in danger of beatings, being fired or evicted and even having our kids taken from us. We are encouraged by pop culture to be silly, frivolous, decorative and superficial. In most towns in the US, the ONLY places we can meet each other are bars and bathrooms! We lurk in parks and shadows. We are infested with messages that we are sinful, sick, diseased, depraved and dangerous to children. EVERY DAY. Now, if you can't cope with the fact that ALL THIS multigenerational trauma has left us a bit weakened, unfocused, confused, self abusive, self destructive, self obsessed, etc., then you are demanding, unreasonably, I would argue, that we conform to YOUR experience of what courage, hard work and organizing are. Sometimes, and I so know this from personal experience, sometimes, the bravest, most difficult thing in the world is to just get out of bed and face the world ONE MORE TIME with such a broken heart, all you want to do is die.

I can "throw whatever facts" at you, but you'll ignore them (I refer to a previous post when you dismissed what I said with, "regardless..."). If I keep telling the truth, about what we need to heal, we can heal it. We'll always have problems if we IGNORE THE DAMAGE! We are NOT like YOU! And we ARE STRONG! So stop being so damn judgmental and arrogant and LISTEN, have some humility for a minute and LEARN something, instead of running your mouth about how wonderful you are compared to a 'lot of homosexuals you know." To give you an idea how LITTLE you actually know about our history and culture, we don't LIKE being called "homosexuals," because it makes us sound like the stereotype: that we only care about sex, that we're hypersexual, that we're savages and beasts that can't control our own impulses. WHY are we not called "homoamorous:" people who LOVE our own genders? Because LOVE and self esteem and dignity have been stripped from us for thousands of years, to benefit the dominant culture, because if you breeders EVER learned to LOVE each other, the whole fucked up system would crash down around the bosses' knees and we'd all be free! You could have learned something from me, but you're too busy grinding your goody two shoes axe to hear. YOU are part of the problem WE must overcome. Lead, follow or GET OUT OF THE WAY!

define queer

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 For me, Queer is reclaiming a word of power. Formerly, it was power against us. One of the most devastating things a normy (or pod person, as I call them, when they point and scream) could do to you was "out' you. And I think a lot of people, in a variety of subcultures/identities/orientations, began adopting this word: we're here; we're Queer; get used to it. And we ARE Queer, by social norms, although, I suspect, there are a whole LOT of normies who are really Queers, whether they know it or not, and passing. So, I like to see the human race as Queer in latency. i think, some day, none of this bs will matter any more, or, at least, that humans have that potential. Women can control our reproduction now; bodies can be modified, by surgery or hormones or . . . There have always been Queers; universities now offer MAJORS in Queer Theory and Studies! god, to be a kid again! People of my generation, and older, still have issues with the word; we wee beaten, fired, raped, killed, had our kids taken away. . . and that word was all the ammunition they needed. So, like a certain racial epithet assigned to dark skinned people of color, I'd advise caution and context. And I can't speak for other Queers. Some folks prefer that alphabet soup: LGBT and some ad Q for questioning and even fewer add I for intersexed. But I'm dyslexic, so letters get me confused. Also, LGBTQI sounds like some academic attribution, like PhD, or something: it's too formal. It used to be a stone insult to call someone Black; colored was considered more genteel. Same kind of thing, i think. I'm no expert; can't afford a university degree in Queer Studies. So, I may be talking out my @$$, but it wouldn't be the first time, would it? LOL

define pansexuality

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• I am pansexual. I choose people to love based on a lot of criteria, but genital configuration is not one of them. I suppose one could say I choose, but I did not choose to be pansexual; it's just how I came. Learning to BE pansexual in a bl...ack/white/male/female/top/bottom/gay/straight/good/bad/saint/sinner world has been a challenge, and i dd not go through it without a few scars and traumas. But I must say I would choose this orientation, if I had the option. I hope we're going in a direction where sexuality doesn't have to be so traumatic for younger people...if I knew then what I know now, I could have saved myself a lot of self abuse, self hatred, self medicating and self denial. 'course now, i'm too old and ugly.

   
• there's a wiki, but not very complete, here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality
  
  I would say that, as we become more conscious that there are more than two genders, that gender need not be predicated on genital configuration, th...at, even within such self definitions as intersexed, transexual, etc. there are multiple potentials for self expression/identity, etc. the limiting term of "bisexual" has, in some cases, expanded, as well. True, many bisexuals may never be comfortable with or attracted to gender queers, for example, or intersexed people or transexual people. For them, the "opposite ends of the spectrum" will always be what attracts. I don't know if this is cultural, biological, a product of Madison Ave. I have no clue. I know my own eroticism has been corrupted by culturally, usually commercially, encouraged "ideal" body types. I have unlearned most of that, now that I'm five years from sixty.

   
• But I also know, not believe, know that self defining as bisexual is just as limiting, dangerous and repressive to me as my former attempts to conform my sexuality with cultural demands. I, of course, tried very hard to be heterosexual as a... teen; I ended up suicidal. i then attempted to identify as lesbian, in the seventies, in los angeles, surrounded by the lesbian feminist movement. I felt tremendous guilt for any encounters with men; I felt like a traitor. I drank myself to near alcoholism. Finally, embarrassed but too tired not to be humble, i admitted I was bisexual. I was relieved and very grateful when Queer became an inclusive identity. Bisexuals are branded as sexually immature, promiscuous, confused, incapable of commitment and even dragging STDs back to the Queer community. I was having a hard time dealing with other people's assumptions about my abilities to be responsible, when they learned I was bisexual. Queer brought me back to my more radical and flamboyant roots of the seventies. And then, the Amazing Thing happened.

   
• I met, and fell in love with, one of the most unique people on the planet. And i'm not using that phrase in the ordinary, I'm in love and isn't she wonderful way. It was actually terrifying: I had ABSOLUTELY no road map in how to relate to ...this person, and this person couldn't really tell me, either, for several reasons; first, her situation may be unmatched, anywhere. second, she was very traumatized around gender and sexual identities and orientations. third, people of alternate genders/identities sometimes experience what i've come to call Necessary Narcissism. just to be able to survive, to pass without attracting harassment, to get where they need to be in their own lives, they have to concentrate their total focus on only what it is they need. I have seen indications of this among a wide range of Queers, for all kinds of reasons. in most cases, it is an acute condition, which eases and passes, once the crisis of establishing one's place in the world is accomplished.

   
• But this particular human being had multiple, deep, heart wrenching crises and traumas around body image, gender identity, sexuality, sexual orientation, etc. this person was born intersexed, but forced to be a boy. in adolescence, she cast...rated herself. in young adulthood, she began living as a woman and soon had sexual reassignment surgery. basically, this person has identified herself to me as intersexed, eunuch and transexual. in addition, because of her unique genital configuration, her reassignment surgery was not standard, and mistakes were made. Can you see why i was scared? I had no idea what to do, how to proceed, except to follow my gut and my heart and try very hard not to hurt either of us too much.

   
• i do not feel the termination of the relationship to be a failure on my part. i feel it was one of the bravest, most honest, most profound and most liberating experiences of my life. I will always be grateful for the experience. but, becaus...e of my own behavioral health challenges, and because she really is very self absorbed, the relationship could not maintain. This is how i know that configuration of genitals is no issue for me. i broke through the ultimate barrier of human sexuality, in my experience, and just loved somebody, no matter what. i know it's possible, because i did it, for years.
• i always thought something was wrong with me, when i'd get the hots for a drag queen, or an older woman when I was much younger, or a biker dude, or a very femme ballerina Lesbian. I thought i should choose, settle down, make a commitment. Now, I see, I did choose: I settled down to the realization that human beings can just put me in awe. i have made a commitment to that. That is my choice.

   
• Am I sorry I have nobody to grow old with me? yes. But this isn't a perfect world and my reality just isn't the norm. Add to that my behavioral health challenges, and a life partner would either have to be in a coma or absentee to live with me for decades. I know i'd be more financially secure in a partnership. I might have a home. I might even have children. And oh, i wish those things were true.

   
• but, I guess, I'm the Forest Gump of the Queer rights movement; i was always around when things happened, but they never really happened to me; I was an observer, a supporter. And, regarding my sexual identity, it's cliche, cuz it's true: life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you'll get.

MOVIE: "Red without Blue"

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Here, again, is that necessary narcissism that makes identifying with the subjects so complicated: are they privileged people, self obsessed, whining or are they truly persecuted, disrespected, misunderstood and damaged? The answer is probably yes. Just coming out in a cowboy state has got to be torture. Yet, it has got to be easier than being a low income person of color in an inner city hate fest, right? Who knows? They feel what they feel. I do not live in their skins. I know the film makers were committed to telling the story of the twins. But I would have shifted perspectives the minute I found out about Mom and her Boston marriage to her best friend. I think the entire story might have been more compelling, had we watched the twins through the eyes of their mother and heard her evolution from presuming her kids were no trouble to ignoring them unless they had a crisis or needed a ride to total shock feeling she failed them to denial about their life choices to resolution, absolution, acceptance and healing. THAT would have made the film MUCH more compelling! I loved the music. I did not mind the edits with home movies, but there was too much repetition of images. I loved the trans skeet shooting, complete with cussing; you can take the boy out of Montana, but you cannot take Montana out of the girl! I would like to know what happened with David in Paris. Dad was too distant, but that may be the actual role he plays in the family: passive provider who avoids arguments and just pays the bills? If Clair is a psych major, why are people wanting her to be a fashion consultant or airline steward? Why must every conversation about MtF trans people involve such rigid gender roles? Sigh. Yes, they brood too much; they are young people. Angst is second nature, especially in this modern age of SO many options: it can be paralyzing in its complications.

MOVIE: "Guardians of the Frontier"

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While the main characters in the fil are female, the primary focus is phallic and, largely, associated with the potential of men to rape. Weiss says, on her web site, that the film is rather autobiographical; she does not elaborate. I was excited about this film because it was a first female director for the region, and because the modern story incorporates ancient folklore. But it is too male identified, and not in a good way: women seek approval of, protection from and validation by men throughout. Slavic folklore is full of powerful, female Goddesses; none appear here. Many are far more fierce, cunning and important than this so-called king of the forest (who has not appeared in an hour of online searching as other than a footnote). If the forest protector & potential threat to the women had been Baba Yaga, for instance, we would have had a fierce and intense story. She seldom assists the lost, is very threatening and lives in an ancient style of small cabin with no windows or doors (she flies out the chimney in a mortar with pestle & broom). She is an ancient and pervasive figure in many countries and is the inspiration for the classic Halloween witch. THAT would have been a powerful movie! I get the examination of boundaries: nations, genders, gender roles, modern vs. traditional, class and even race. But the neoFreudian symbolism & emphasis on potential danger of men is unexamined on more than a superficial basis. No virgins were harmed in the making of this movie.

MOVIE: "Marilyn Hotchkiss' Ballroom Dancing. . ."

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Share |I dont think Ive ever seen a movie John Goodmans in that I dont like. Its not that hes a brilliant actor, its just that he has such great taste in scripts. Until now, that is. With this performance, I can say Goodman is a brilliant actor. I could FEEL him, every time he spoke. It hurt my belly to watch this. As per the usual Goodman choices, this is not the same old boring formula writing. Its unique and off center and really interesting. Hurt like the dickens to watch and so encouraging!

MOVIE: "Ladies in Lavendar"

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Sometimes, if youre very lucky, something shows up in your necessarily restricted life. It is stranded and weak, but you know, without any doubt, that this is extraordinary. You know it without language or history or experience. And you find yourself loving this: quietly, personally, intimately. When it has recovered its strength and shows its true talents, the world comes clamoring and pushes you aside. You watch, fearfully, as it gets pulled farther and farther from you. Now, you are, again, alone and think yourself even worse off than before, because this beauty you loved has been taken from you and the loss is an aching grief. Now, just as you have found true love, it has gone. If you sit very still with yourself and if you truly love this beauty, you will work past your personal loss and realize how magnificent it is that this love you gave has helped the beauty blossom. Its as fulfilling as romance, marriage, parenthood and career -- none of which youve ever experienced. And it is the best gift you have for the world. That is enough.

MOVIE: "How About You?"

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Go back & look @ that stunt sequence again: a LIVE actor steps toward the edge, jumps, lands on what appears to be hard concrete, camera moves forward; you would SWEAR there is no padding, THEN break to close up of lead actor on sidewalk! THAT was a GOOD SHOT! I like how the film shifts sympathies from the lead actor to the ghost; I do not think I have ever seen that in Asian horror before. Single motherhood is terrifying. Add to that spirit beings who reincarnate in, well, a very intimate fashion, and the fact that you can SEE it! Add to that what you have always been taught about ghosts being bad or creepy. Now, try to reconcile yourself that your own baby will be a reincarnated being? I can see the stress in this. In a single-child China, I can understand if the film makers might have some regretful, whistful thought on the accessibility of abortion and want to linger in a medium close up pan of newborns. I really can. I WISH a film like this would be rewritten, directed and produced by WOMEN, though. I think we have more depth in the matter, frankly. I have to say this to another viewer/reviewer: saying you do not believe in Buddha is like saying you do not believe in George Washington. They are both historical figures. And I am pretty sure Buddha does not have much faith in you, either.

MOVIE: "Akeelah and the Bee"

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I thought this would be the story of Ashley White, from the documentary SPELLBOUND. It was not. The white script writer was inspired by Ms. White, who had none of the advantages of more affluent competitors in her bee, but this is a fiction, not biography. I suppose one could say this is an exploitation of Ms. White, as she received no benefits from the film, as those in the film have received from the story of Ms. White. It is very idealized. The most moving aspect of the story for me was seeing the community pitch in to help Akeelah study. I thought, oh, good. Finally, the African American community is remembering its deep roots in community cooperation for survival, achievement and success! We are all so much stronger when we work together, rather than competing and tearing each other down to get on top. I do not know if Ms. White had such supporters. I think not. She ended up a homeless, teen mother. Now, however, she is attending Howard University, with the help of newspaper readers who heard her story. After graduate school, she wants to work with chldren to help those who have been where she has been. I think the story of Ms. White deserves a film. I would have given this movie five stars, if it had been a more honest and less sugar coated portrayal. I just do not thing this is honest. The cast is magnificent, particularly KeKe. A real spelling champ has a small role, and worked as consultant to the film. He says a bad word, though. It is an excellent film for all young girls, struggling to accomplish SOMETHING besides capitulating to the unrealistic Barbie/ho gender roles popular culture demands. It really is ok to be intelligent, inquisitive, strong, opinionated and studious, you know.

 

Coolest part of the film:
50,000 Coaches (video)

MOVIE: "Suicide Club"

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Watch it HERE

It is not a suicide club, and the name of the film is actually SUICIDE CIRCLE. This is about fads, about corporate marketing to kids as young as 2 years old, about utilizing modern forms of media to manipulate children. The problem arises when it is the children who begin to manipulate back. The writer/director is also a performance artist & poet. He staged massive poetry readings & art exhibits in Tokyo subways by advertising on the net, by cell phone, etc. It was an early mob event. Tokyo police did not know what to do and the events continued for several weeks. This is his answer to the question, what if the kids used new media today and sent the message, are you connected to yourself? There is no criminal to which anybody can point, because we are all complicit in this crime: we are murdering our young. This is pure art. I do not understand all the symbolism (butterfly tattoos, baby chicks), but I wonder if I need to, if it is because I am not urban Japanese or if I am just too old to get it. I will tell you this: SUICIDE CIRCLE should be shown in every Urban Planning, Psychology, Womens Studies and sociology class in the USA, let alone Japan. A website is mentioned near the beginning of the movie, by The Bat. That site is active. I joined today. Girls are talking. It is called jikennews dot com There are other, semi-hidden sites on the net. It takes little investigation. The circle is there. So are the dots.

MOVIE: "Thousand Pieces of Gold"

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This story continues today: women are brought to this country, or kidnapped here, and forced into slavery and prostitution. I honor the woman of this story for having luck, good fortune, intelligence, a network of alliances to avoid some of the worst pitfalls. I do not, however, for one second believe that a tiny woman who would wield a huge knife at a big, drunk white guy who just paid two hundred bucks to rape her would be afraid to tell a Chinese guy that she has set his cap for him. I also wish stories would be told of Chinese women who managed to survive and flourish in this historical period without the protection of a romantic alliance with a white man. I have no qualms with the story of this woman. I do, hovever, think it feeds a stereotype that we all need the protection of a white father to survive. The male/female gender relationships are revisionist history: folks just did not act that way back then, esp. Chinese & white relationships. It is as bad to revise history in a liberal bent as it is to revise it so that folks wearing Confederate flags on their hats would look like sanctified homeboys who loved their Black neighbors, ignoring the legacy of slavery and lynching. I am disappointed, but give three stars for acting & attempt at Chinese American history of women.

 

MOVIE: "The Eye 2"

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Go back & look @ that stunt sequence again: a LIVE actor steps toward the edge, jumps, lands on what appears to be hard concrete, camera moves forward; you would SWEAR there is no padding, THEN break to close up of lead actor on sidewalk! THAT was a GOOD SHOT! I like how the film shifts sympathies from the lead actor to the ghost; I do not think I have ever seen that in Asian horror before. Single motherhood is terrifying. Add to that spirit beings who reincarnate in, well, a very intimate fashion, and the fact that you can SEE it! Add to that what you have always been taught about ghosts being bad or creepy. Now, try to reconcile yourself that your own baby will be a reincarnated being? I can see the stress in this. In a single-child China, I can understand if the film makers might have some regretful, whistful thought on the accessibility of abortion and want to linger in a medium close up pan of newborns. I really can. I WISH a film like this would be rewritten, directed and produced by WOMEN, though. I think we have more depth in the matter, frankly. I have to say this to another viewer/reviewer: saying you do not believe in Buddha is like saying you do not believe in George Washington. They are both historical figures. And I am pretty sure Buddha does not have much faith in you, either.

MOVIE: "Beautiful"

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Beautiful is amongst the first projects in the world to use the new Sony F23 CineAlta HD Camera, this has enabled us to shoot HD with the flexibility of film, says Smith. We are projecting daily rushes that are exciting to watch, given the superior full resolution images we are seeing. INSIDE FILM Now you know why the tight close ups of dew-dripped roses, spider webs and road kill look so sharp and crisp. I hope this film is to Sebastian Gregory what BACHELOR PARTY was to Tom Hanks: a way to get face time and launch a decent career, but a piece of his filmography he will never mention on The Tonight Show unless someone else brings it up, and even then, only with mortification all over his face. This film has about the same substance as BP: manipulation of audience, as much profundity as a drying puddle and a nearly pathological fear of conventionally good looking blondes. It is as full of cheap tricks as a half=drunk illusionist in a bad cocktail lounge in Las Vegas. It is all smoke, mirrors and misdirection (I mean the latter literally). There is, as Gertrude Stein said, no there there, as can be perfectly exemplified by the ending. Who cares who worked on the film? Not the director, for sure. I did not much care for this mov

 

MOVIE: "Adam and Steve"

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This MAY be the FUNNIEST Queer film I have EVER seen! It is funny because it is HONEST, SMART and REAL. It is not self consciously trying to be clever, cool or hip. In fact, it is pretty much just the opposite. Most of us are just regular schmoes, trying to get through life without utter humiliation or breaking every bone in our bodies. We do not have time or energy to primp in front of mirrors, except to make sure we do not go into public with a big, green booger hanging out our noses. In this plastic fantastic world of plastic surgery and hair highlights, how in the world can we keep our heads screwed on right, let alone find someone to share our lives with? Under normal circumstances, I DETEST that particular song from the MOVIE of SOUND OF MUSIC, because it was padding, not part of the original score. But here, only here, and only under these circumstances, yeah! For those of you who like to send bright, shiny objects on to friends, the song, S*it Happens, is available as a UTube video. I already have it on my Facebook page. I am female, so I have no romantic agendas here. I just TOTALLY wish Adam and Steve were friends of mine! I could pich their cheeks. . . as long as nothing squirts.

MOVIE: "Spitfire Grill"

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I am sick to DEATH of so-called christian men telling women we must be perpetual victims and QUOTE sacrifice END QUOTE for the good of the community! As a survivor of child sexual assault and abuse, I can tell you: prisons, mental hospitals, homeless shelters and the streets are FULL of women who were human sacrifices to the hubris, arrogance, violence, ignorance and tyranny of evil men, some of whom write screen plays to promote their religious agendas that perpetrate the same. 

 

 The problem is, most of us are not as cute, soft-spoken, wide-eyed, quaint and sweet as Percy; the traumas of our lives have left us rather unattractive, so we can rot while filmmakers bring in big bucks off of our suffering. 

 

THIS IS NOT A FILM BY, FOR OR ABOUT WOMEN! It is a film about a sad misinterpretation of sacred texts, superstition, condescension toward women and people with behavioral health challenges. 

 

Some proceeds from this film went to a religious kindergarten, so more suckers can be indoctrinated into the propaganda that the only good woman is a suffering woman. 

 

And TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD did a MUCH better job with Boo Radley! You even stole the MUSIC! That was very christian of you! 

 

If you want to help abuse survivors, stay out of our way! Do NOT speak FOR us; LISTEN to us -- and NOT with dollar signs in your eyes! 

 

This is a tear jerker only to those arrogant and ignorant enough to PITY us, rather than RESPECT OUR DIGNITY (because THAT, of course, would mean they might actually have to DO something to CHANGE THINGS!) 

 

Family values, my right mammary gland!

MOVIE: "Requiem

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Fictionalized biography of Anneliese Michel, source of films, THE EXORCISM OF EMILY ROSE and THE EXORCIST.

MY SUGGESTED THEORY OF WHAT REALLY HAPPENED: This film is a testiment to the sadistic, sexist domination of a corrupt, greedy church that encourages believers in blind obedience & superstition, in order to maintain power. Devout, young girl, knows no alternative to religion, sexually molested by parish priest who blames girl for tempting him to damnation (see story of Eve). Girl is epileptic; blames seizures on what she thinks is her sin. Begins penance for wayward priests, sleeping on bare floors, even in winter. At puberty, begins self-abuse & anorexia. Girl escapes to university, despite controlling mother. Sexual relationship with boy triggers repressed memories of sexual assaults by priest as voices, visions; cannot pray, touch crucifix. Feels shame & guilt for sexuality; consults priest, who touches her too often & encourages identification with saint who suffered similar symptoms & died young, martyred. She cannot identify, totally, with Katherine, as she is not virgin: more shame, guilt. Katherine tortured and killed when she could not persuade Roman Emperor to stop torturing Christians, but converted Empress. Katherine held as role model for Catholic femininity: the chaste martyr. Priest suggests Katherine's suffering a good thing; does not suggest medical attention. Friends try to help, but boyfriend returns her to source of trauma: family home & parish, afraid of stigma of hospital. Parents, priests gang up, feed delusion of supernatural possession; confine woman to house; ignore medical alternatives; constantly suggest demonic possession; allow woman to starve. This is not a horror film; it is a biographical drama. Every survivor of child sexual abuse can see what really happened here. Props to her school friends, who tried to support her to leave her madness & heal.

Film available on NetFlix and elsewhere with English subtitles.

please use emoticons

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 Kate,

 ok, tease me all you like. just know that you were not very playful with me, back in pg, so I'm not used to the concept of you being silly.

In order to help me wrap my head around the concept, it might be useful if you threw in an emoticon now and then, since I can't see your face. Some of the Japanese ones are rather complicated, so I'm not recommending them, but the standard, US happy face, etc.: those are pretty simple. I got so good at ascii imaging in chat rooms and forums, I could make animal faces and human body parts. yes, I could, and yes, I did.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emoticons

I FINALLY watched Lugosi's Dracula! It took THREE DAYS to get through it. It has been very interesting to me to see how the indoctrination of my Southern Baptist childhood has completely disappeared! Things that I took as absolutely true, all they way into my mid 20s (long after I'd left the church) seem as fanciful as fairy tales, Santa or the idea that money really IS something.

It's no wonder people think I'm crazy. I'm not, of course. But my perceptions of reality are so DIFFERENT!

My foundations are rooted in entirely different soil now. Except for one thing: I have an inarticulate, but profoundly tender, memory of Jesus as my only friend, and of such phrases as "consider the lilies," "whatsoever you do unto the least of these," etc. Those values still hold in me. I did not throw out the baby with the bath water when I escaped, I'm proud to say. But I came very close!

So, Mr. Lugosi was very interesting to watch. His very expressive side kick was funny as hell and I'll bet a dollar the actor was gay. I now know that it was Mina, Dracula's victim in the film, who had scared me the worst. Subconsciously, I was terrified I would become like her: a slave to my midnight, bedroom visitors.

I get my terror now. I can protect myself, seeing I didn't turn out to be a victim. And I can comfort that little girl who was so scared.

MOVIE: "Beyond Belief"

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OH! The arrogant opining of NettFlicks viewers! And how many of them have set an Afghan woman up with a micro-business, I have to wonder! The Afghan woman who said 5 stories burned? To her five stories IS a tall building! She can not even imagine anything as tall as the trade towers! As to all the self-endulgent, self-interest of the US women who started the organization? Really listen to them: out of everything they say, maybe, MAYBE they speak of themselves one twentieth of the time! The rest, they talk about family, their lost husbands, the organization and its plans, the futures of those they love, the futures of Afghan widows they have yet to meet. Ninety nine percent of the ideas that come from these women are positive, productive, accepting and tolerant of others, life-affirming and pro-active, unlike viewer reviews at NettFlicks. Those who can, do. Those who cannot, criticize those who do. For a single mother of small children to get on an airplane -- after her husband died in one -- and fly to a country that has been at war longer than she has been alive, even after an aid worker there was held prisoner -- to assist widows in starting businesses and getting out of abject poverty? How can ANY of us criticize that, question her motives or grumble that this documentary is not polemic enough? They are replacing hate and fear with love and dignity. What more can anybody do?

http://www.beyondthe11th.org/