Katrina

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Is my credit card information secure?My donation was denied. Why?Can I cancel a donation?View All FAQsAmerican Red Cross Emergency Vehicles respond to disasters nationwide.Did you know... The American Red Cross provides assistance to people in need... free of charge... every single day!Donate by Phone Donate by Mail Donate Spare Change Donate In-Kind Products Donate Airline Miles Donate Stock Latest NewsPrivacy Policy Dear Rogi,Thank you for your generous gift to the American Red Cross 2005 Hurricane Relief Fund. This fund makes it possible for the Red Cross to help nationwide Hurricane disaster victims of 2005 with critical needs such as shelter, food, clothing, counseling and other assistance. It's because of the 2005 Hurricane Relief Fund that our response can be immediate regardless of its location or the community’s ability to financially support our efforts. Your generous support means the most to the families who rely on Red Cross to help them through some of the most difficult times of their lives. Please continue to visit us at http://www.redcross.org/ to see how we’re using your 2005 Hurricane Relief Fund donation to make a difference, and for the most current disaster updates and stories about the people being helped.Together, we can save a life.American Red Cross*************************************************To verify that your company participates in a matching gift program, please contact your human resource representative.Please print or save this message for your personal records.Donation InformationDonation Form:Hurricane 2005 Relief and other Related EventsThis organization's tax ID is:53-0196605This letter serves as the tax receipt for your gift. The American Red Cross is a tax-exempt, nonprofit organization as described in section 501(c) (3) of the IRS Code for 1984, as amended. Our tax identification number is 53-0196605. Adequate records will be maintained and made available to the IRS upon request. In accordance with IRS regulations, no goods or services were provided to the donor by the American Red Cross as part of this contribution.Your gift may be recognized in future Red Cross publications. If you prefer your gift to remain anonymous, or have questions about your gift’s designation, or would like to learn more about the services that the Red Cross is committed to providing, please call 1-800-797-8022.The American Red Cross is not a government agency and all Red Cross disaster assistance is free thanks to the generosity of people like you. The value of your donation is increased by the fact that the ratio of volunteer Red Cross workers to paid staff is almost 36 to one.Contributions to the American Red Cross, a tax-exempt organization under Section 501(c)(3) of the Internal Revenue Code, are deductible for computing income and estate taxes.© Copyright The American Red Cross. All Rights Reserved.

Independent Lens

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Independent Lens"Thunder in Guyana"
Tuesday, February 22, 2005 10 - 11:00 pm

Janet Rosenberg Jagan, the filmmaker's cousin, was elected Guyana's president in 1997, becoming the first American-born woman to lead a nation.

This film weaves family history and Guyanese history with the extraordinary life story of this unconventional woman, who, along with her husband, Cheddi Jagan, is considered to be one of the founders of Guyana. (CC, Stereo)

Learn more about Janet Rosenberg Jagan at the companion Web site.
here

Federal agency scrubs the word 'gay' from conference literature

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If nobody collects statistics on Queer suicide, we can pretend we're not culpable.


Date: Wednesday, February 16 @ 10:43:07 EST
Topic: The Bush Administration
By Rick Weiss, San Francisco Chronicle

Washington -- A federal agency's efforts to remove the words "gay," "lesbian," "bisexual" and "transgender" from the program of a federally funded conference on suicide prevention have inspired scores of experts in mental health to flood the agency with angry e-mails.

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is an agency within the Department of Health and Human Services that is funding the conference on Feb. 28 in Portland, Ore.
On the program, at least until recently, is a talk titled "Suicide Prevention Among Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender Individuals."

Everyone seems to agree the topic is important. Studies have found that the suicide risk among people in these groups is two to three times higher than the average risk.

So it came as a surprise to Ron Bloodworth -- a former coordinator of youth suicide prevention for Oregon and one of three specialists leading the session -- when word came down from SAMHSA project manager Brenda Bruun that the contractor running the program should omit the four words that described precisely what the session was about.

Bloodworth was told it would be acceptable to use the term "sexual orientation." But that did not make sense to him. "Everyone has a sexual orientation," he said in an interview Tuesday. "But this was about gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transgenders."

The title rewrite was one of several requested changes. Another was to add a session on faith-based suicide prevention, said Mark Weber, a spokesman for SAMHSA, who said he believed the brouhaha was all a misunderstanding.

SAMHSA prefers the term "sexual orientation" simply because it is more "inclusive" he said. And besides, he added, it was only a suggestion.
Asked how strong a suggestion, Weber replied: "Well, they do need to consider their funding source."

Upon due consideration, Bloodworth renamed the session "Suicide Prevention in Vulnerable Populations." But he is not happy.

"We find this behavior on the part of our government intolerable," he wrote in an e-mail to colleagues, in which he called upon the government to "end this shameful marginalization of an already marginalized at-risk population."

A Health and Human Services official, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said there was not a department-wide policy against using terms relating to sexual identity or orientation at federally funded venues.
Weber said some of the complaints received by his agency had been extremely vitriolic.

"It is incredible, the venom from these people," he said. "My boss is being called a Nazi."

copyright 2005 San Francisco Chronicle
Reprinted from The San Francisco Chronicle:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/02/16/MNG71BBLDI1.DTL

This article comes from The Smirking Chimp
http://www.SmirkingChimp.com

The URL for this story is:
http://www.SmirkingChimp.com/article.php?sid=19939

kinsey

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American Experience"Kinsey"
Monday, February 14, 2005 9 - 10:30 pm
Tune in for this profile of the controversial 1950s sex researcher Alfred Kinsey, whose findings blew the lid off sexuality in America. (CC, Stereo, DVI)
Log on for a chronological look at the life and work of Alfred Kinsey and the cultural and societal events that played a role in his research.
http://www.pbs.org/amex/kinsey

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* "CHISHOLM '72 - Unbought & Unbossed" airs Monday, Feb 7 @ 10 PM *Check your local listings for time and date in your area.
Don't miss this great film!
http://www.pbs.org/pov/chisholm
In 1968, Shirley Chisholm became the first black woman
elected to Congress. In 1972, she became the first black
woman to run for president. Shunned by the political
establishment, she was supported by a motley crew o
fblacks, feminists, and young voters. Their campaign-trail adventures were frenzied, fierce, and fundamentally
right on!"

Like a scientist trying to make a discovery, or a civil
rights protester, or anyone pushing the limits, believing
in change or ideas that are not yet the norm, there are
those who fail for others to succeed. Shirley Chisholm's
run for president is that kind of sacrifice play."- Shola Lynch, Filmmaker

Visit the "CHISHOLM '72" website to read excerpts from
Chisholm's autobiography, "Unbought and Unbossed," and
learn more about her thoughts on women's rights, the
Vietnam War and the future of the US, circa 1970. Muchof what she had to say then is still relevant today,
over 30 years later! Find out about the major events of1972, political convention history and read our Web-exclusive reprint of the 1973
Ms. magazine cover story
about Mrs. Chisholm written by Gloria Steinem entitled
"The Ticket That Might Have Been." Watch a video of
Ms. Steinem talking about Mrs. Chisholm and the film
earlier this month.http://www.pbs.org/pov/chisholm
==================================================

* Remembering Shirley Chisholm on the P.O.V. website
*As many of you might know, Shirley Chisholm passed
away on Saturday, January 1, 2005 at the age of 80.

An obituary in the New York Times quoted Mrs. Chisholm
as saying, as she left Washington, that she did not
want to go down in history as "'the nation's first
black congresswoman' or, as she put it, 'the first
black woman congressman.' 'I'd like them to say that
Shirley Chisholm had guts,' she said. 'That's how I'd
like to be remembered.'"

Do you have memories of Mrs. Chisholm? Did she inspire
you with her run for president? What do you think her
legacy will be? How will you remember her?

Share your thoughts on the Chisholm '72 discussion board:http://discussions.pbs.org/viewtopic.pbs?t=19266

==================================================
* February is Black History Month at pbs.org/pov
*Check out these interactive features on African American
history and culture at P.O.V. Interactive!

BAYARD RUSTIN: MARCHING ON WASHINGTON
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2002/brotheroutsider/special_march.html
The 1963 March on Washington, the largest protest the
country had ever witnessed, marked a turning point in
the history of public demonstrations on the Mall.

Learn more about the 1963 March (organized by Bayard
Rustin) and other marches that had high turnouts over
the past 100 years, and hear some thoughts on the future
of protest and marching in this interactive feature.

WATTSTAX RADIO: A SOULFUL EXPRESSION OF THE LIVING WORD
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2004/wattstax/special_radio.html
Listen to songs from this historic concert, the legendary
"Black Woodstock" - including Isaac Hayes, the Staple
Singers and the Bar-Kays - and find yourself back in 1972.

TWO TOWNS OF JASPER: RACE IN AMERICA - BEYOND BLACK AND WHITE
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2002/twotownsofjasper/special_raceinamerica01.html
In a series of conversations, Amy Goodman, host of
Democracy Now!, interviewed academics, politicians and
activists about the current state of race relations in
America. Listen as Amy talks with Howard Zinn, Winona
LaDuke, Angela Oh, Robin D.G. Kelley, Barbara Smith and
others about the role race plays in politics, in court,
and daily life in America.

==================================================
* From the Archives: Every Mother's Son - Remembering Amadou Diallo
*Four years ago today, when Amadou Diallo died in a hail
of police gunfire in his New York apartment building's
vestibule while reaching for his wallet, there was
widespread public outrage. Many New Yorkers believed
Diallo's death was an egregious example of police
negligence or criminal misconduct aimed at poor and
minority communities. Others, including then-Mayor
Rudolph Giuliani and the police leadership, suggested
the killing was a tragic yet unavoidable accident in
the dangerous job of policing the city's mean streets.
Learn more about successful approaches to policing,
including community policing and civilian oversight
boards in interviews with police officers, community
leaders and a prominent researcher. Take our quiz to
find out what kind of mayor, police officer and citizen
you might be in our fictitious medium-sized crime-ridden city. Finally, chime in with your thoughts about
Amadou Diallo on the "Every Mother's Son" discussion board.
http://www.pbs.org/pov/everymothersson

====================================================================================================* Teachers: Tape "CHISHOLM '72" Off the Air and Use Our Lesson Plan
*"CHISHOLM '72" Lesson Plan: Shirley Chisholm For President
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2005/chisholm/for.html

"Solid, straightforward docu should prove a durable
broadcast and educational item for years to come."- Dennis Harvey, Variety

This lesson plan helps students to learn more about
the history of political representation of minorities
in the US, research the process of presidential
elections as detailed in the Constitution, evaluate
the meaning of citizenship, representation and the
importance of voting, assess the role of political
campaigns in a democracy, and explore the modern role
of conventions in the electoral process.

Other lesson plans of note from the P.O.V. archivesfor Black History Month include:
LEARN ABOUT POLICING IN YOUR COMMUNITY
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2004/everymothersson/for.html
(P.O.V. - "Every Mother's Son")

Today is the 6th anniversary of Amadou Diallo's deathat the hands of 4 police officers in New York City.
This lesson plan features a P.O.V. film that profiles
Diallo and two other New Yorkers who were victims of
police brutality that made headlines around the
country and sparked protests in NYC in the late 1990's:
Anthony Baez, killed in an illegal choke-hold and Gary
(Gidone) Busch, a Hasidic Jew shot and killed outside
his Brooklyn home. Their stories are told from the
perspective of the men's mothers, who fight for justice
and accountability for their sons' deaths, and seek
systemic reforms that will help prevent such deaths
from happening in the future. After watching and
discussing the film, students will research their
local police department and work to improve its
effectiveness in the community.

EXAMINING PREJUDICE AND EVOLVING CONCEPTS OF CIVIL RIGHTS
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2002/brotheroutsider/classroom.html
(P.O.V. - "Brother Outsider")

In these lesson plans, students explore prejudice, the
origins of civil rights and the evolution of our idea
of rights, using "Brother Outsider" and Bayard Rustin's
life experience as a focus. Teachers can also download
a film discussion guide and a Delve Deeper PDF which
features a list of related films, books and websitesrecommended by the librarians from the American LibraryAssociation.

LOST CHILDHOODS - EXPLORING THE CONSEQUENCES OF COLLECTIVE VIOLENCE
http://www.pbs.org/pov/pov2004/lostboysofsudan/for.html
(P.O.V. - "Lost Boys of Sudan")

Study Guide produced by Facing History and Ourselves
The "lost boys" are refugees. Dictionaries usually define
a refugee as someone who flees his or her homeland in fear
of persecution for reasons of race, religion, ethnicity,
membership in a particular social group, or political
opinions. How is a refugee like an immigrant? What difference
seems most striking? Ask students to list some of the
challenges a young refugee might face in the United States,
particularly in a large city like Houston.

Find out more about P.O.V.'s classroom offerings in our
"For Educators" section:
http://www.pbs.org/pov/classroom.php

And please let us know how they went over in your classroom
by writing to us at feedback@pov.org

Queer & Homeless

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PRESS RELEASE The 8th Annual Homelessness Marathon
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MEDIA CONTACT:
Rogi Riverstone
Albuquerque: 505-842-8175
Toll Free: 1-877-718-0691
(rriverstone@yahoo.com)

8th ANNUAL HOMELESSNESS MARATHON Broadcasting in Albuquerque

Local producers will carry a live, hour discussion, to be aired at 10pm local time, on the impact of homelessness on Gay, Lesbian, Transexual, Transgendered, Pansexual and Bisexual people in Albuquerque. Stay tuned to KUNMfm 89.9 and http://kunm.org for further details.

The 8th Annual Homelessness Marathon is a nationally-produced show. Participating Pacifica, NPR and independent, community and public radio stations will both broadcast and air it. The Marathon will be broadcast from 9pm, EST on Monday, February 14th to 11am, EST on Tuesday, February 14, 2005. The broadcast will be carried on KUNMfm 89.9.

The Homelessness Marathon has been called, "the most significant media event focusing on homelessness and poverty" by Donald Whitehead, director of the National Coalition for the Homeless. And it is unlike any other broadcast in the world.
The Marathon is almost entirely live, covers taboo territory and features the voices of people who are rarely heard on the air. Perhaps for this reason it has grown rapidly. The first Marathon, in 1998, was on one tiny station in central New York. The 7th Marathon, in 2004, was on 80 stations coast-to-coast, with another 30 stations across Canada carrying a parallel Canadian Homelessness Marathon.

As always, the 8th Marathon's broadcast booth will be set up outside, to dramatize the plight of people with nowhere to go in the cold, and calls will be taken from around the country. But there will be no on-air solicitations. The Marathon is a consciousness raising, not a fundraising broadcast.
The 8th Marathon will be distributed via the NPR and Pacifica satellites and will be streamed on the web. More information, including broadcast schedules and audio clips from past broadcasts may be found at the Marathon's web site: http://kunm.org and http://www.homelessnessmarathon.org.

No Dykes on Sesame Street!

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PBS Censors Postcards From Buster
Episode featuring lesbian moms deemed not 'appropriate'
January 31, 2005

PBS has pulled an episode of the children's show Postcards From Buster
that includes children with lesbian mothers. The episode was yanked the
same day that PBS received a letter from new Secretary of Education
Margaret Spellings condemning the episode and asking PBS to "strongly
consider" returning the federal money that went toward its production.

In the episode, Buster, an animated rabbit, visits Vermont, where he
learns how maple sugar is made and visits the home of real-life children
who invite him in for dinner and introduce him to their "mom and Gillian."

WGBH, the Boston PBS affiliate station that produced the program, still
plans to air the pulled episode and make it available to other stations,
but without PBS or Department of Education support (Washington Times,12/27/05).

PBS chief operating officer Wayne Godwin and spokesperson Lea Sloan gave a
variety of reasons for PBS's decision to censor the show; Godwin said the
episode brought up an issue that was "best left for parents and children
to address together at a time and manner of their own choosing," while
Sloan said it was "sensitive in today's political climate" (Associated
Press, 1/27/05). Godwin also pointed out that some children wouldn't have
a parent with them to "put it in context" (Washington Post, 1/27/05), but
at the same time indicated that it was precisely the context that parents
and media coverage gave the episode that created the problem:
"The concern really was that there's a point where background becomes
foreground. No matter if the parents were intended to be background, with
this specific item in this particular program they might simply be
foreground because of press attention to it and parental attention to it"
(New York Times, 1/27/05).

Godwin went on to claim the episode conflicted with PBS's purpose: "The
presence of a couple headed by two mothers would not be appropriate
curricular purpose that PBS should provide."

It's a disturbing view for the COO of PBS to hold, particularly since
public television's mandate as set forth in the 1967 Carnegie Commission
Report is to "provide a voice for groups in the community that may
otherwise be unheard," to serve as "a forum for controversy and debate,"
and to broadcast programs that "help us see America whole, in all its
diversity."

Indeed, it would seem that PBS's decision to drop the episode would more
likely violate the terms of its Education Department grant than would the
episode itself; the grant requires funded programs to:
"appeal to all of America's children by providing them with content and
characters with which they can identify. Diversity will be incorporated
into the fabric of the series to help children understand and respect
differences and learn to live in a multicultural society. The series will
avoid stereotypical images of all kinds and show modern
multi-ethnic/lingual/cultural families and children."

Previous families featured in Postcards episodes have included Mormons,
Hmong and Pentecostal Christians. It's hard to interpret PBS's selective
reading of its own mandate in the censorship of Postcards as anything but
political pandering in the face of government threats; Spellings' letter
included the blunt reminder that "two years ago the Senate Appropriations
Committee raised questions about the accountability of funds appropriated
for Ready-To-Learn programs" (Washington Post, 1/27/05).

What's more,according to a New York Times report (1/27/05), PBS officials-- including
PBS president Pat Mitchell-- screened the Vermont episode and deemed it
appropriate just a few days before pulling it.

Unfortunately, PBS's decision is hardly surprising, given its history of
moving to the right under pressure from conservative critics. The network
recently added two conservative public affairs programs to its lineup,
apparently to "balance" the alleged liberal bias of NOW With Bill Moyers.
At the time, Moyers had already announced his intended retirement, and
since his departure the show has been cut back to half an hour (see FAIR
Action Alert, 9/17/04).

And this wouldn't be the first time PBS has backed down on gay and lesbian
issues; in 1994, PBS refused to provide funding for a second year of its
popular and critically acclaimed miniseries Tales of the City, which
included gay characters. The show had prompted the American Family
Association to call PBS the "Homosexual Pride Tax-Funded TV Network" and
urge their followers to "shut down" PBS. Though PBS called the decision
financial, Tales was actually a remarkably profitable series (Extra!,7-8/94).

Just two years earlier, when New York City PBS affiliate WNYC began
producing In the Life, television's first nationwide gay-oriented show,
conservatives had vigorously attacked public television from the Senate
floor. Former Republican Sen. Bob Dole railed, "It seems that the
broadcasting apologists are hiding behind Big Bird, Mr. Rogers and
Masterpiece Theatre, laying down their quality smokescreen while they
shovel out funding for gay and lesbian shows" (Village Voice, 6/30/92; see
also Extra!, 6/93).

In the face of such threats and criticism, PBS refused
to distribute the show; over 10 years later, the program still receives no
financial or distribution support from PBS.

ACTION: Please contact PBS and ask them to support programming according
to their mandate, not political pressures.

CONTACT:
PBS
Pat Mitchell, President and CEOPhone: (703) 739-5000
mailto:pmitchell@pbs.org
Or use the PBS comment form:http://www.pbs.org/aboutsite/aboutsite_emailform.html
You might also want to contact your local PBS affiliate to encourage them
to air the censored episode of Postcards From Buster:
http://www.pbs.org/stationfinder/index.html

As always, please remember that your comments have more impact if you
maintain a polite tone. Please cc fair@fair.org with your correspondence.

SpongeBob: Evil, Gay Heathen

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Mark Morford: 'SpongeBob, evil gay heathen'
Date: Wednesday, January 26 @ 10:06:25 EST
Topic: The Religious Right

How sad to be a right-wing Christian in a world full of homo cartoons and scary nipples
By Mark Morford, San Francisco Chronicle

And oh my God, you think, how these people's lives must be one screaming firehose of inexorable, nipple-torquing, kidney-stabbing pain.

I mean, really.

Because then you read about how James Dobson, the cute little founder of the cute little ultraconservative rabidly Christian happily neo-homophobic Focus on the Family, actually stood up and proclaimed, to the media, to the world, with a straight face, with no sense of irony or shuddering humiliation or an overpowering sense that he was, in fact, contributing quite nicely to the overall violent oatmealy ignorance of the planet, came right out and announced that the wildly popular and much-loved SpongeBob Squarepants cartoon character is, actually and truly, probably gay.

And therefore, of course, SpongeBob is a dire threat to all childrenkind and must be avoided at all costs lest the wee ones watch the cartoons and become overwhelmed with a mad desire to wax their chests and buy a new Miata and drink cocktails made with lemonade. More or less.

And why? Why is the adorable yellow sea sponge suddenly considered to be contributing to the mental and spiritual and genital degradation of millions of innocent children? Because he's a hyperactive none-too-bright short-attention-spanned spazzball of lovable non-sequiturial nonsense who induces rabid devotion among children and gay men and straight adults alike? Why, no. Not quite.

It's because the frantically animated sea creature is now appearing, alongside noted pagan cartoon perverts Barney the Dinosaur and Winnie-the-Pooh and the Rugrats and Bob the Builder, in a nonprofit video sent to 60,000 schools and designed to promote that vile demon called, ahem, tolerance. And diversity.

(Our fair SpongeBob was singled out, by the way, because of his noted popularity with gay men, perhaps given his propensity for flamboyant exuberance and a love of show tunes and his very gayly named pet snail, Gary. Or something).

So then, the cute part: To the vast sentient population of the planet, people like those in Focus on the Family and the American Family Association (the other terrified little group that found SpongeBob to be sexually dangerous) are, well, just plain sad, small, lost in a world where everything is a threat and everything wants to stab at their mealy souls and everything reeks of debauchery and demonism and copious amounts of residual Astroglide.

And we look at such people and we shake our heads and sigh, trying to understand how excruciating it must be to go through life feeling as though you're stuck like a pinned bug to a perverted universe that can't be trusted, one that they desperately hope will be over real soon now, just like the "Left Behind" books promise, so they can forget how miserable and lost and distressed they feel and so they may finally leave their not-so-secret homosexual fantasies behind and drive their big manly SUVs to the Promised Land.

And toward them, we normally just roll our eyes and shake our heads and smile, and feel a fleeting moment of sympathy before shrugging them off like you would a 2-year-old throwing ice cream at a tree.

But now, the not-so-cute part: Much like that other small-minded cluster of clenched nonbrains over at the Parents Television Council, the very tiny but weirdly vocal group that single-handedly managed to hurl the FCC into fits of hysteria regarding naughty swearwords and exposed nipples in the national media, these groups are having one helluva moment right now, one influential and dangerous time in the cultural limelight.

These are the minuscule and shrill groups that, perhaps in a period not seen since the Puritans forbade dancing and kissing and the color fuchsia and all pleasure of any kind, have a shockingly powerful pull on American society and who reputedly helped tilt the election toward Bush and who increasingly have the ear of Congress -- a Congress, it must be noted, that's increasingly crammed with evangelical Christians and homophobic nutjobs and Tom DeLay.

Which is to say, much as most of us on this planet laugh and feel pity and shake our heads at the odd paranoia and dread these cheerless people wallow in on a daily basis, somehow, some way, they have stolen the reins. For the moment.

They now have a semblance of voice, a hook, have warped the ear of the government and embarrassed our national common sense and soiled the clean white sheets of healthy happy debauchery and perversion.

They have jammed a black seed of paranoia and dread into the tired soil of American consciousness, and have made it their lifelong duty to ensure that the seed festers and erupts into a gnarled weed of hate and ignorance and bad missionary-position sex with the lights off.

All of which somehow reminds me of the Spanish Catholic Archdiocese, also recently in the news after undergoing an amazing spasm of lucid awareness in how, for a brief blip in time, the church officially allowed that condoms might be OK.

Did you read that story? About how Bishop Juan Antonio Martinez Camin, in Spain, announced that condoms are actually pretty good for, you know, controlling disease and inhibiting the spread of HIV? Miss that one? It's understandable. Went by pretty fast. In fact, the astounding stance lasted exactly 24 hours, just enough time for the Vatican to get a whiff of it and for the Vatican's Archbishop of Hateful Sexless Myopia to make a nasty phone call to Spain, promptly threatening the Spanish church with nothing short of castration and excommunication and genital warts.

Whoops, nope, we were wrong, muttered the Spanish church the following day.

Condoms were evil all along. Condoms are wrong and condoms don't actually prevent the spread of HIV and we don't care if they save lives or prevent pregnancy or STDs because condoms promote -- what is it again, cardinal? -- oh, yes, "immoral sexual conduct."
Oh you warped and sad little men.
And lo, the Vatican, still viciously influential in much of Europe and Africa but basically dismissed, as far as sex and gender are concerned, by modern believers in the States as an outdated archaic sexist ignoramus, stomped its callused foot and reiterated its deadly doctrine and stabbed at the heart of progressive humanity. Again.

Which in turn reminds me of Bush addressing a cluster of antichoice activists a few days back, touting the vicious and degrading "culture of life," which translates directly as,
"We aging sexless white Christian males shall hereby stop at nothing to slap women's rights back to 1955 and chip away at female procreative choice, all while preventing stem-cell research from ever saving the life of a single cancer or Alzheimer's patient. God bless." Ah, progress.

And then, in the next ironic breath, Bush announced that his warmongering administration is ready to request another $80 billion from Congress to further the violent and treasonous and unwinnable war on Islami-- er, on non-Christia-- er, women-- er, gays-- er, decent grammar-- er, dictators who control our oil-- er, "terror."
Aha. Promote the "culture of life" while asking for billions more to assist in the killing of all foreigners who hate us more every day. Onward, Christian soldiers.

Note the connection. Note the blood-red thread of fear and dread and homophobia, the brutal irony throughout all these stories. Shrill extremist sects and small-minded leaders with too much control, saddled with self-righteous and outdated doctrines that refuse to allow the culture to progress, to laugh, to moan in joy and sticky happiness.

Note the people who look at hilarious children's cartoons and see only sinister mind control, who look at their fellow human souls and see only an army of debauched heathens, who look (reluctantly) at their own genitals and see only a gnarled clump of pain and confusion, who look up at the beautiful blue sky and see only a massive canopy of daggers.

How incredibly sad. And, for right now, how very, insidiously dangerous.

San Francisco Chronicle
Reprinted from The San Francisco Chronicle:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2005/01/26/notes012605.DTL
This article comes from The Smirking Chimp
http://www.SmirkingChimp.com
The URL for this story is:
http://www.SmirkingChimp.com/article.php?sid=19648

Pentagon Gang Bang

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Homelessness Marathon

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Homeless?

Gay, Lesbian, Transgender, Transexual, Bisexual, Pansexual?

We want to hear from you!

Join us for a live discussion.

February 14, 2005

(hour still to be determined)

KUNMfm Albuquerque (http://kunm.org) will host a one-hour broadcast during the Homelessness Marathon. Our local focus will be about the issues facing the Queer community who are homeless.

Participants have the options of remaining anonymous. We can even digitally alter your voice, so you can't be recognized.

We want to hear your experiences, not cause further victimization. Your voice matters. Your experience is important. This is an opportunity to tell a national audience what life is like as a homeless person who is maginalized as a result of your sexuality, gender and orientation.

(505) 842-8175 Albuquerque or 1-877-718-0691

rriverstone@yahoo.com

The URL for this flier is

http://rriverstone.com/homelessmarathon/flier.html

Please feel free to print, distribute and post this flier anywhere!

"Unfuggable" = unemployable?

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http://unknownnews.org

Court backs firing of waitress who�wouldn't�wear�makeup
Reuters News Agency
Dec. 29, 2004

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters) - A female bartender who refused to wear makeup at a Reno, Nevada, casino was not unfairly dismissed from her job, a U.S. federal appeals court ruled on Tuesday.
Darlene Jespersen, who had worked for nearly 20 years at a Harrah's Entertainment Inc casino bar in Reno, Nevada, objected to the company's revised policy that required female bartenders, but not men, to wear makeup.

A previously much-praised employee, Jespersen was fired in 2000 after the firm instituted a "Beverage Department Image Transformation" program and she sued, alleging sex discrimination.

In a 2-1 decision, a three-judge panel of the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling in favor of Harrah's. All three judges are males appointed by Democratic presidents.

"We have previously held that grooming and appearance standards that apply differently to women and men do not constitute discrimination on the basis of sex," Judge Wallace Tashima wrote for the majority.

He cited the precedent of a 1974 case in which the court ruled that a company can require men to have short hair but allow long hair on women.

The Lambda Legal Defense Fund, a gay rights group that backed Jespersen's suit, had argued that forcing female employees to have different standards than men was unlawful under rules, known as Title VII, against discrimination on race, color, religion, sex or national origin.
The ruling found, however, that the casino's appearance standards were no more burdensome for women than for men.

In a dissenting opinion, Judge Sidney Thomas backed the reasoning of the plaintiff. "Harrah's fired Jespersen because of her failure to confirm to sex stereotypes, which is discrimination based on sex and is therefore impermissible under Title VII," he wrote.

"The distinction created by the majority opinion leaves men and women in services industries, who are more likely to be subject to policies like the Harrah's 'Personal Best' policy, without the protection that white-collar professionals receive," he wrote.
Published by
Reuters News Agency

This material is copyrighted by its original publisher.
It is reprinted by Unknown News without permission, solely for purposes of criticism, comment, and news reporting, in accordance with the Fair Use Guidelines of copyright material under � 107 of U.S.C. Title 17:
Notwithstanding the provisions of sections 106 and 106A, the fair use of a copyrighted work, including such use by reproduction in copies or phonorecords or by any other means specified by that section, for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching (including multiple copies for classroom use), scholarship, or research, is not an infringement of copyright. In determining whether the use made of a work in any particular case is a fair use the factors to be considered shall include --
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The fact that a work is unpublished shall not itself bar a finding of fair use if such finding is made upon consideration of all the above factors.

Don't blame me; I voted for Chisolm

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��MSNBC.com
First black woman elected to Congress dies

Activist Shirley Chisholm was 80
The Associated Press
Updated: 12:37 a.m. ET Jan. 3, 2005

MIAMI - Shirley Chisholm, the first black woman elected to Congress and an outspoken advocate for women and minorities during seven terms in the House, died Saturday near Daytona Beach, friends said. She was 80.

"She was our Moses that opened the Red Sea for us,"� Robert E. Williams, president of the NAACP in Flagler County, told The Associated Press late Sunday. He did not have the details of her death.

Chisholm, who was raised in a predominantly black New York City neighborhood and was elected to the U.S. House in 1968, was a riveting speaker who often criticized Congress as being too clubby and unresponsive.

"My greatest political asset, which professional politicians fear, is my mouth, out of which come all kinds of things one shouldn't always discuss for reasons of political expediency,"� she told voters.

She went to Congress the same year Richard Nixon was elected to the White House and served until two years into Ronald Reagan tenure as president.

?Anyone that came in contact with her, they had a feeling of a careness, and they felt that she was very much a part of each individual as she represented her district,"� William Howard, her longtime campaign treasurer, said Sunday.

Feisty from the start

Newly elected, she was assigned to the House Agriculture Committee, which she felt was irrelevant to her urban constituency. In an unheard of move, she demanded reassignment and got switched to the Veterans Affairs Committee.

Not long afterward she voted for Hale Boggs, who was white, over John Conyers, who was black, for majority leader. Boggs rewarded her with a place on the prized Education and Labor Committee and she was its third ranking member when she left.

She ran for the Democratic nomination for the presidency in 1972. When rival candidate and ideological opposite George Wallace was shot, she visited him in the hospital -- an act that appalled her followers.

"He said, 'What are your people going to say?' I said: 'I know what they're going to say. But I wouldn't want what happened to you to happen to anyone.' He cried and cried," she recalled.

And when she needed support to extend the minimum wage to domestic workers two years later, it was Wallace who got her the votes from Southern members of Congress.

Unafraid of a fight

Pragmatism and power were watchwords. "Women have learned to flex their political muscles. You got to flex that muscle to get what you want,"� she said during her presidential campaign.

When Bella Abzug challenged Daniel Patrick Moynihan in the 1976 Democratic Senate primary, Chisholm caused a stir by backing Moynihan. "Where was Abzug when I ran for president?"� she asked, when questioned about her choice.

In her book, Unbought and Unbossed, she recounted the campaign that brought her to Congress and wrote of her concerns about that body:

"Our representative democracy is not working because the Congress that is supposed to represent the voters does not respond to their needs. I believe the chief reason for this is that it is ruled by a small group of old men."

The Rev. Jesse Jackson called Chisholm a "woman of great courage."
�
"She was an activist and she never stopped fighting,"� Jackson said from Ohio, where he is set to lead a rally on Monday in Columbus. "She refused to accept the ordinary, and she had high expectations for herself and all people around her."

Chisholm's leadership traits were recognized by her parents early on, she recalled. Born Shirley St. Hill in New York City on Nov. 30, 1924, she was the eldest of four daughters of a Guyanese father and a Barbadian mother.

Her father, an unskilled laborer in a burlap bag factory, and her mother, a domestic, scrimped to educate their children.

At age 3, Shirley was sent to live on her grandmother's farm in Barbados. She attended British grammar school and picked up the clipped Caribbean accent that marked her speech.

She moved back to New York when she was 11 and went on to graduate cum laude from Brooklyn College and earn a master's degree from Columbia University.

'The people's politician'

She started her career as director of a day care center, and later served as an educational consultant with the city's Bureau of Child Welfare. She became active in local Democratic politics and ran successfully for the state Assembly in 1964.

She was an Assemblywoman from 1964 to 1968 before besting James Farmer, the former national chairman of the Congress of Racial Equality, to gain the House seat.

"I am the people's politician," she said at the time. "If the day should ever come when the people can’t save me, I'll know I'm finished."
�
When she left 14 years later, she complained that many of her constituents misunderstood her, that she was a "pragmatic politician"� whose influence was waning in conservative times. And she said she wanted more time for her family life.

After leaving Congress, Chisholm was named to the Purington Chair at Mount Holyoke College in South Hadley, Mass., where she taught for four years. In later years she was a sought-after speaker on the lecture circuit.

"She was a tremendous leader and a voice in politics when she was in office, as well as when she left office,"� Manhattan Borough President C. Virginia Fields told the AP.

Chisholm was married twice. Her 1949 marriage to Conrad Chisholm ended in divorce in February, 1977. Later that year she married Arthur Hardwick, Jr. She had no children.

Once discussing what her legacy might be, she commented, "I'd like them to say that Shirley Chisholm had guts. That's how I'd like to be remembered."

copyright 2004 The Associated Press.

URL: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6779424/

email to a friend

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Hey, Tommy!

Ma & I have been shopping since she got back. I have a new coat and a beautiful bathrobe.

We've torn up several thrift stores and stocked up on chocolate and replacement xmas lights at after Christmas sales.

Ma's going back to work in a couple of days. We've experimented with her makeup, hair and wardrobe to the point where she's feeling pretty confident about showing up at work with her new look.

I'm ready to begin working on independent projects when she goes back.

I've found several women's presses who are interested in "romantic erotica," so I may be publishing some of my stories again soon.

I lost my old website of erotica, so, any copies of stories you may have that I sent you would be appreciated.

Hope all is well with you. Thanks for always remembering me during holidays.

You're a good friend.

Fondly,

Rogi

remarkable

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You are reading http://livinginthehood.blogspot.com

I told her last night: this has been the best Christmas season of my entire life.

Oh, we had an argument on Christmas day, but we talked through it and the sky didn't fall on us.

We got a puppy, for Porkchop. She's a cocker/beagle mix. She looks like a miniature, blonde coon hound or golden Lab. Porkchop's entire demeaner has changed as a result. He loves her to death. He lets her dominate him and submits with blissful relief.

She was abandoned at Chaco Canyon, tied to a tree, left to die. When the couple found her in October, she was dying. She weighed ten pounds (she's 18 now). She couldn't walk. She's still got a delicate digestive system; her stools are too loose and she vomits from over excitement periodically. But she's very happy here and spends all of her time with Porkchop. He has become downright noble.

Last night, I threw a rib bone out front. This morning, she found it first. She growled viciously at Porky as she chewed on the bone. Porky made no move to take the bone; he just watched her eat and backed off so she wouldn't growl. Porky was starved, too, so this is a remarkable show of thoughtfulness on his part.

My girl went out on her bicycle for the 2nd time since her return. She was under the weather during her time off and came home pretty weak, needing lots of rest. But, she put her bike trailer on the bike and headed out.

We get email from the Albq. Freecycle Yahoo group. One guy had put some give-aways out in his front yard. We need smoke detectors, and he had some. So, she went to check it out. His house is half way across town, and about a mile north of ours.

Then, she went south on his cross street, to the south end of town. A lady there had a hassock: a big foot stool or ottoman. It was part of a sectional sofa. It is nearly 3x3 feet and about 2 feet tall. It's a "box spring" type bottom with a very large cushion on top. It's teal velour upholstery. She strapped it to the trailer with bungie cords. The former owners were quite impressed.

She pulled it home on the bike, in light rain and moderate wind, in the dark. It was, apparantly, quite an adventurous day for her. She called from her cell to report in and let me know when she'd return. She reported her struggles with weather, directions and lack of bathroom facilities along the route. I was laughing my head off.

When she got back, the bathroom was already warm, so she could shower. I had a fresh towel for her, helped her out of her wet clothes into her bedroom slippers, provided a clean, dry bathrobe and started dinner while she washed up.

Her previous bike trip, she'd gone to her post office box, to Smith's for a rib eye roast, and Winrock Mall for some makeup. So, we ate my favorite meat: rib eye roast. I'd baked some potatoes. We'd made a big bowl of cucumber salad (she has some bruising and swelling on her face, from an allergic reaction she had while gone; cucumbers reduce swelling), and some wheatless Yorkshire Pudding to soak up meat juices. We still have plenty left; it's a 5 pound roast. Just perfect.

There's sparkling cranberry juice, chilling in the fridge, which she brought back for New Year. She's the best friend I've ever had. We have SO much fun together.

She loves her new wardrobe. I dress her up, help her with her makeup and hair, and we go out for the day. There's a new trolly that passes right near our house. We get on that and take the new Rapid Ride bus on Route 66 to travel around town.

We went to the mall together 2 days ago. She bought me a bathrobe I've wanted my whole life: floor-length chenille, with flowers near the hem. Better than I could have imagined, it's a rich lilac color. I got an extra large, so it really wraps around with plenty of extra fabric to keep my knees and ankles warm. It wasn't cheap and it wasn't on sale. And it came from the snootiest department store in the mall. But I'd been checking on eBay, shopping.com and elsewhere. The price, while steep, was reasonable.

We ate Godiva truffles and gingerbread mocha drinks at Borders. We bought matcing cardigan sweaters at a store that's closing. Hers is pink; mine is lilac. They both have appliques of sequined flowers at the shoulder. Very '50s style. All she needs is a poodle skirt. I already got one at Buffalo Exchange, the resale shop near the radio station (cost me 2 dollars. it's blue felt, with black poodles on gold leashes with rhinestone collars).

She's looking fabulous. We dyed her hair "Egyptian plum" with a temporary hair color. I cut it shorter and curlier. She's wearing makeup. She has the new clothes, jewelry, etc. When we were in the mall, even in the snooty store, people were looking at her. Not because she looked freaky or weird; they were checking her out because, in our age range, she was the best looking woman in almost every room we entered. I was very proud.

Primping and dressing up has been very good for her. She's not dry and fussy anymore; she's more sweet-natured, sexy and girly now. I really like it...grin.

She wonders what the people at her job will think, when she gets back there next week. I'm reasonably certain they'll be very impressed. I also know of at least one woman there, our age, who will be jealous. I've already warned Ma; that woman hates to be seen next to another woman her age who might look better than she does.

Ma was never the good looking one in the room. She was nondescript, muted, nearly apologetic for her appearance. She looked like a librarian, really. Sorry librarians.

Well, now, she's rosey and curly and elegant and sparkley. She's lookin' pretty hot, for fifty! We've brought out her inner elegance, sense of fun and playfulness. She looks like her temprament, now. She looks great. So, I'm thinking of showing up at her job and just hangin' in the hall, her first day back, so I can hear people's reactions when she walks in.

Well, I have chickens to feed. And I need to warm some coffee. Ma's asleep right now. We're going to the Barret House thrift store later today. I need a new coat. If we can't find one there, we'll try WalMart's after xmas sale. I hate that place, but don't mind buying stuff there, as long as they're not making profit from me. We'll also check there for marked down xmas crap, including replacement lightbulbs for night lights.

Barret House has VERY nice clothes, very cheap. Rich ladies donate their clothing. The thrift store helps fund a shelter for homeless women and kids. I love shopping there.

Ma bought me a crosscut paper shredder at Big Lots the other day; we shred junk mail and I use the shreds for cat litter! Works great!

Later today or tomorrow, I'll post my recipes for cucumber salad and for wheatless Yorkshire pudding over at Hood Life. I'll also put them on my domain.

Hope everyone's having a safe and happy holy days season.

I sure am!

one, more nite!

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Dear Ma,

I kept waking up all night, thinking you were back. I'd try to push my back against you. I only found pillows.

It would wake me up. I'd blink and try to remember where I was and what was different.

My mind is getting so accustomed to the concept of your return, that she thinks you're already here.

For five weeks, she's resigned herself to sleeping and living alone again. Back to the habits of scrunching pillows around to keep cold drafts from seeping under the covers. Back to planning only for me.

My mind bridges both realities with awkward ambivilence. You're supposed to be here; I'm supposed to be alone.

I feel relieved at the idea of not having to spend another Evil Christmas alone with the forced hillarity of mass media merchandising.

I'd like to bake a batch of gingersnaps with you. I bought some egg nog.

Other than that, and playing my flute to any music specials on PBS, I have no plans for holy days.

We have a tree, thanks to the generosity of the neighbors and my ability to squirrel away decorations others discarded.

Your presents, and there are nearly sixty of them, are not for Christmas. They're for your birthday. They're welcome home gifts. They're my attention to the details of your life that needed filling in. They're celebrations of your beauty. They're tributes to your new beginnings.

Your mother died so young, so soon in your life. You never had a woman to fuss over you, to attend to your grooming, to show you how to decorate your space.

This is your first bedroom as a woman. You've lived in cramped quarters that had to serve as living-bed-kitchen-bath-garage-office spaces. Or you've shared bedrooms with lovers.

I want you to come home to a space that's easy to operate, cheerful, feminine, happy and a little elegant. I want you to come home to a space that speaks of you and your needs. I want you to have a place to play, explore, examine and investigate yourself.

So, I've tidied up, accented, added, arranged. You can easily change any thing I've done that doesn't suit your needs. Or I can.

It could take you days to discover everything I've tucked away for you.

Thirty six hours from now, I'll be hopping from foot to foot at the airport, waiting for the announcement that your plane has landed.

I'll be carrying mistletoe.

Food's cooked. Everything's clean. The beds have fresh linens. There's plenty of toilet paper.

We have toys and projects available.

I have no plans. I just created space in which we can decide what each of us needs and wants.

I see some bike rides, trips to stores, walks by the river, dollar movies.

But I'm waiting to see how you're feeling adn where your energies lie.

I have no expectations.

I just want to feel your warm belly and cold toes, next to me in the bed, as we kick off the dog and tell each other the adventures between our ears.

I even got us some chocolate!

PTSD: the benefits

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It has always been my belief that anything which generates a lot of energy can be harnassed into something beneficial, no matter how threatening and potentially dangerous it seems. And, the more energy, the more potential for creativity.

This has tremendous, potential advantages for you, as my lover, you realize.

I have a tremendous capacity to feel. And I have an inate talent at empathy. I directly experience what others feel. I, therefore, work very hard at not inflicting pain. I also work very hard at nurturing.

As you've experienced first hand, I'm good at finding people's hidden talents and encouraging them to the surface. It's how I know you're beautiful, even when you don't, and enhance your beauty with little grooming tricks that delight you.

Well, the real energy of my PTSD is my passion. I have suppressed that. I've seen the consequenses of my rage and terror in my life, and have tried very hard to avoid those.

What I need to do is face that energy, head on, and convert it to positive uses.

As you may have noticed, I'm a very sexual, and sexually-accepting, person. I have a tremendous capacity for exploring pleasure and arousal. I have few inhibitions or taboos. If it's consentual, and between responsible adults, it's on the table (grin).

I have gone from pre-orgasmic, through orgasmic only under the influence of mind-altering substances to multiorgasmic and easily aroused, under safe circumstances.

And I have a vivid imagination.

Channeling the energy I automatically produce (be it a byproduct of overactive adrenaline production, or whatever) into more creative outlets needs to be a high priority for me.

It's why I'm always building things, moving earth for gardens, walking long distances while pulling burdens, etc.

I need to be physically active, to release the energy.

You have, shall we say, certain needs in that regard.

I have been suppressing my impulses toward psychotic outbursts. It's very stressful for me to do so. I'd much rather use the desire toward physical acting out on another person in a more satisfying and loving way.

Hence, the "butch lessons." I need to be more assertive and more blatant around you. You excite me. I crave you. I have a tremendous urge to satisfy you, to watch you surrender to feeling me loving you, to seeing you open up to me.

You need to be very well and thoroughly loved: emotionally, intellectually, spiritually and physically.

I can give you that. I can give you as much as you're willing to take. I am completely convinced that I can bring you to places you never knew you needed and teach you beautiful things about yourself you've never even imagined.

I get very enthusiastic about loving you, when I see myself not holding back and not protecting my ego.

Butches, in general, put the needs of their ladies first. I'm not talking about self sacrifice; I'm speaking of etiquette, perhaps even a smattering of chiviry. It is the sacred duty of the butch to protect, nurture, satisfy and adore their women.

Butches always know when their women need a cigarette lit, a jar opened, a loving shoulder, protection from harm and a righteously wet fucking.

It's not that butches think their women aren't completely independent, self-sufficient, capable people. Oh, no. Not any of that.

A good butch finds a good woman who has complete autonomy, who has life experience, who knows herself. And a good butch empathizes with the struggles, trials and hardships her woman has endured to get there.

So, a good butch honors her woman by relieving some of that extra burden.

If her woman is treated like trash in every other aspect of her life, a butch elevates her woman to the status of great adoration and respect.

A good butch creates a place in which her woman is above the petty dirtiness of mundane life.

A good butch creates sacred space for her woman and herself.

A good butch worships at the alter of the Goddess as embodied in her companion.

I have tremendous reserves of energy for you.

I'm learning what satisfies you and am learning new ways to get there.

This isn't just sexual, you know.

But your sexuality has been badly neglected by other lovers to the point where I don't think you really know what you want, what you need, and how much you can feel.

I want to find out, Princess.

I can't leave it up to you. As you've said, if you're uncomfortable in a new situation, your tendancy is to avoid it. And anything new, especially making love with another woman, is uncomfortable, at first.

It gets a WHOLE lot easier with practice, so you'll know.

So, I'm taking the lead. I'm taking the initiative. I'm going to be more insistant that you at least look at yourself as a sexual person. I'm going to be asking you what you want more often. I'm going to be initiating play more often, and in more variety.

I'm completely willing that you refuse when you need to.

But I'm not willing to sit here and wait for you to make the decision to initiate play. If I do that, we'll be twiddling our thumbs for a very long time.

You know now that I won't exploit nor hurt you sexually. At least, I hope you know that by now. We've spent months, after the initial passion, cuddling harmlessly.

But, Princess, I have some succulent and sparkling ideas about what I want to do to you, if you're willing.

I think it's best, at first, that you experience woman loving with me being the assertive one. It'll give you a first hand experience at how truly delightful woman loving is. It's very liberating. The possibilities are amazing.

Once you're more familiar, less inhibited, and more eager about the whole concept, I'm willing to bet you'll be initiating a good deal of play between us.

So, there's definately an "up" side to having a lover with PTSD: I'm fiercely protective; I've got eyes in the back of my head; I'm resourceful; I'm stubborn; I'm assertive; I'm compassionate; I'm brave and I'm VERY passionate.

You need that. I can give it to you.

My reward is your gentleness, your humor, your obvious loyalty, your wickedness, your playfulness and how sexy you are.

My reward is that the most interesting person I've connected with in a long time looks forward to coming home to me.

post traumatic stress disorder

You are reading http://viridianariverstone.blogspot.com/.

My problem with therapy is that modern psychotherapy relies too heavily on psychotropic medication: better living thru modern chemistry.

And the drug therapies available are very primative, with many side effects and reactions.

My brain chemistry is different from normal people's. My hypothalmus is supposed to be smaller and less-well developed. I metabolize that brain chemical, starts with a "c," that creates feelings of well being, before it has a chance to activate in my brain. I produce FAR more adrenaline than normal. My dopamene receptors are over charged, as my brain secretes massive doses of opiates, trying to relieve the terror and rage.

So, there's a lot going on in my brain that so-called "normal" people don't deal with.

In addition, I have accute sensitivities to mood altering chemicals. Very little of any drug can have extreme consequences on my mood, ability to function, physical coordination, memory and tendancies toward psychotic outbursts.

I'm addicted to caffeine because I was force fed ritalin for many years as a child. I constantly crave "speed" type chemicals: sugar, caffeine, and even nicotine (which, first thing in the morning, acts as a stimulant).

I have issues with alcohol because I used it in an attempt to self medicate, reduce anxiety, and reduce adrenaline production. I was self medicating in order to function.

Now, I just can't function, under some circumstances which other people consider "normal." For me, they're stressful and toxic situations. I'm the "canary in the coal mine," with regards to how disfunctional and poisonous our modern culture has become. It all affects me more directly and profoundly than it affects others, apparantly.

And, psychotherapy as counselling is not sufficient for me. I'm "high functioning:" I'm more intelligent and better self-educated than most people. SImple "bumper sticker" fixes, such as 12 step programs, don't work for me. I see through the placebo effects and can't force myself to believe things I know aren't true.

And most counsellors rely on such tricks and gimmics.

I also can't be hypnotized, which frustrates therapists to no end. Modern gimmicry relies heavily on the power of suggestion, meditation-type exercises and even mimicing REM sleep eye patterns in sessions. None of these work on me.

The BEST thing I've learned for myself, over time, is to "act as if:" BEHAVE as though I'm not affected by trauma.

I try to operate in the world as normally as possible. I don't indulge depression, suicidal ideations, psychotic impulses, etc. I don't hit myself or others, lie around saying, "what's the use?" etc.

I have learned that I don't HAVE to feel like doing things, in order to do them. I have also learned that, even though I may be in an acutely painful, existential crisis in which I have NO rational motivation to continue, if I DO continue to take care of my business, the episode WILL pass and I'll eventually be glad I didn't submit to it.

Such has been the case during your absence. And I'm very glad I haven't indulged my "demons." I've accomplished a lot while you've been gone. I've made our home a more user-friendly, sheltering and nurturing environment. I did this in the midst of a spiritual nightmare, where it would have been very easy for me to either give up or, even worse, to destroy rather than create.

I feel very good about myself for this.

I will never be able to function at full capacity. I have finally come to terms with that now. I will always have serious limitations.

There's no point in berating and punishing myself for that, as I have in the past. I have survived literal hell. It took a toll on me. There are certain aspects to life which will never be comfortable for me, and I will probably never go through these gracefully.

But I can protect myself from some possible damage. And the foundation of that protection is that I acknowledge my limitations, not push myself into situations where I'm vulnerable and unprotected, and stop forcing and punishing myself for not being like other people.

I am a very high functioning person. I work at a capacity which those unaffected by PTSD don't even reach. I'm not lazy. I'm not crazy.

I'm a very good person, with a very bad trauma history.

I'm sorry my damage has spilled over onto you. And I will make every effort at healing myself, both for my own sake and for yours. You don't need any more crap in your life, either.

I love you very much and I'm very committed to this relationship. If I thought, really thought, that I was too damaged, too broken or too dangerous to build on this foundation we have, I'd leave you in a heart beat.

But I'm firmly convinced I have a huge capacity to love, nurture, shelter and enhance the lives of others.

IF I stay within the bounds of my own needs.

This seperation, the issues it raises, my incapacitated attempts at forcing things, etc. has really shown me where I need to work and how to get there.

I refuse to isolate myself from love. And I refuse to isolate myself from you. You're one of the kindest, smartest, silliest and most interesting people I've met in a VERY long time.

I'm highly motivated to make this work.

And I know I can.

That's Butch Lesson #1: taking responsibility for my own damage, taking care of it, and not dumping it on you.

it's after 11pm

You are reading http://viridianariverstone.blogspot.com/.

No replies to my email. You just went right back to sleep after I called, without even looking, didn't you?

Well, I'm taking the phone off the hook until I get back. I don't want people knowing I'm not home.

I don't know when I'll be back, of course.

I'm going to try to beg off overnight observation.

I need to take care of the house and my animals.

Why I'm bothering to tell YOU this is beyond me.

You've made your stance pretty clear: I'm just crazy, and I'm on my own.

I'll make my decisions accordingly.

Independent Lens

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Independent Lens"Girl Wrestler"
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 10 - 11:00 pm

Follow Texas teenager Tara Neal through the last year that state guidelines allow her to wrestle boys, amidst family conflict, pressures to cut weight and fierce policy debates over Title IX, which grants women's athletics proportionality in public schools. (CC, Stereo)

Log on to the companion Web site and find out what the future holds for girls' wrestling.

http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/girlwrestler

This is a Game, Ladies
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 9 - 11:00 pm

For more than two years, the producers of this documentary journeyed with Rutgers University's women's basketball team and their legendary coach, C. Vivan Stringer. One of the most successful basketball coaches of all time, Stringer is a survivor, a visionary, a mother and a widow. The game she teaches her players is the game of life. This film is not just about basketball. It's not about winning and losing. It's about growth, about coming of age, about girls becoming women. (CC, Stereo)

Curious about the life of a scholarship athlete? Think you have what it takes?

Take our online quiz and find out.
http://www.pbs.org/thisisagame

'Moral right takes us back to dark ages of sexuality'

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John Patterson: 'Moral right takes us back to dark ages of sexuality'
Date: Monday, December 06 @ 09:56:31 EST
Topic: The Religious Right

Hypocritical puritans hounded a leading US sex researcher to the grave. Now they're after his movie.

By John Patterson, Sydney Morning Herald

Bill Condon's biopic Kinsey would be an important movie at any time, but right now, with the "moral values" crowd in the ascendant and thirsty for the blood of heretics in the aftermath of George Bush's re-election, it's an absolutely essential movie.

Dr Alfred Kinsey, played by Liam Neeson, was the Harvard-trained entomologist who pioneered research into the sexual habits of Americans. After interviewing tens of thousands of men and women, he collected his findings in two books that changed the way Americans comprehended sex.

Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male, published in 1948, and its female counterpart (1953), revealed the bedroom (and locker room and barnyard) habits of Americans in a way that blew the lid off puritanism forever. "God, what a gap between social front and reality!" was the conclusion he came to. Kinsey's been dead for nearly half a century and now, thanks to the movie, the religious right want to dig him up and kill him all over again.

Working at the University of Indiana - about as "red" as you could hope to find nowadays, and sponsored by that well-known fifth-column, the Rockefeller Foundation - Kinsey and his team developed as precise an interview formula as was possible in a country still mired in sexual ignorance and fear.

He interviewed single and married straights, gays, lesbians, incarcerated rapists and sex criminals, even those who had sought congress with beasts of the field and farmyard, all without surrendering scientific objectivity or passing moral judgements.

Before he published his work, Americans assumed that sex occurred only after marriage, that homosexuals and lesbians were demonic inverts, and that masturbation led to godless communism, hairy-handedness and imbecilised high-school quarterbacks drooling on college jackets.

Kinsey's two books were bestsellers, but he became entangled in the neuroses of his time. The Rockefeller folk were hounded into dropping their support, and J. Edgar Hoover demanded - but didn't receive - Kinsey's assistance in witch-hunting gays at the US State Department. That Hoover was a cross-dressing, closeted homosexual who lived with his overpromoted pretty-boy assistant, FBI director Clyde Tolson, speaks volumes about the grotesque hypocrisy of public figures in those days. Kinsey's detractors lined up around the block to get their licks in, then as now, and it's possible that their efforts helped speed his early demise in 1956 aged 62.

Condon's movie does a splendid job of recreating the quasi-Victorian sexual politics of a time when people scarcely knew what to do or feel about their ungovernable sex drives. The film shows interview subjects startled to learn that babies do not emerge from the female bellybutton or that there's more than one position for coitus.

Kinsey is one of the inventors of our modern sex lives. He stands with Margaret Sanger, who agitated for birth control and backed research that gave us the pill by 1960 - which in turn gave us the unzipped sexual revolution and the bra-burning women's movement - and with Hugh Hefner, who 'fessed up and said flat out that, yup, he was hornier than a dog with two dicks and didn't care who knew it. If you've ever had a guilt-and-fear-free orgasm, you owe them all big time.

And because of that, the religious right still fear and despise Kinsey and his works. Check out some of the responses to the movie. "Kinsey's proper place is with the Nazi doctor Josef Mengele," says Robert Knight of Concerned Women for America, inadvertently showing us what he thinks of the Holocaust. Robert Peters of Morality in Media: "That's part of Kinsey's legacy: AIDS, abortion, the high divorce rate, pornography."

Focus on the Family's film critic, Tom Neven, calls the movie "rank propaganda for the sexual revolution and the homosexual agenda". And Judith Reisman, who has waged a long war against Kinsey's memory, refers to "a legacy of massive venereal disease, broken hearts and broken souls". These people are of a piece with new Republican congressmen who have sex on the brain, such as Tom Coburn of Oklahoma, who thinks there is an epidemic of lesbianism in Oklahoma schools, and South Carolina's Jim DeMint who wants gays and pregnant single mothers barred from teaching decent, God-fearing folk.

At the dawn of a digitised, globalised millennium, these creeps want the clocks turned back to when the church held sway over our sexuality. They prefer us ignorant and terrified, alone in the dark, the better for them to control us through fear and guilt. Too bad for them that we live in the bright, vivid light of our incandescent dirty dreams.

Copyright 2004. The Sydney Morning Herald.

Reprinted from The Sydney Morning Herald:
http://www.smh.com.au/news/Opinion/Moral-right-takes-us-back-to-dark-ages-of-sexuality/2004/12/05/1102182154111.html

The URL for this story is:
http://www.SmirkingChimp.com/article.php?sid=18969